The 10 most pointless videogame subtitles ever

There are two semi-valid reasons why publishers do this: they are forced to by whoever owns the license they’re using, and they think we’re stupid. Yep, we’re complete assholes who are incapable of differentiating between a movie and a videogame.

“Yeah, so I was playing X-Men on my 360, and there was this one part where I had to kill…”
“Woah, wait a damn minute there buddy. You mean to tell me you were playing a DVD copy of X-Men, the film, or do you mean you were playing X-Men: The Official Game? Clarify that shit!”

NO. That never happens. And if we have to clarify, we’ll do it ourselves – we don’t need you to stick a colon after the title to make easy on us. Does anyone ever say “Superman Returns: The Video Game” or “LEGO Batman: The Videogame” or “Peter Jackson’s King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie?” No, the subtitles are completely ignored – “The Game” is now officially a silent phrase in the English language.

Which has more impact: “Resistance” or “Resistance: Some Useless Text?” Not only is this subtitle completely unnecessary, it contradicts the title. If this is the “fall of man,” then humanity is through, but if there’s a resistance movement, then there’s hope. Which is it? We dead? We fighting? We already bored with this game?

WOW, DESCRIPTIVE! That’s just like this idea I had for a movie: “Detail-Oriented: An Accountant’s Tale.”

The only thing that makes Rygar’s adventure legendary is that they said that it’s legendary. Why not let the game speak for itself? Or did they intend to follow this game with “Rygar: The Hardly Notable Adventure,” in which Rygar has a difficult time at the dry cleaners and gets a parking ticket?

Some things are legendary, and that’s because they’re legends. Rygar’s journey is not legendary just because the people who wrote it said so.

It should be noted that while it’s pronounced “accent core,” this game’s actual title is Guilty Gear XX: Λ Core Plus. That character isn’t even on my keyboard. What the hell. I have to look up a special character just to type out the name of this game. That’s bullshit.

The entries in this article were chosen because they mostly represent large groups of terrible subtitles, but this is just a scratch on the surface of gaming’s history of awful subtitling. Drop in and leave a comment with one of your least favorite subtitles, if you’re so inclined. If you like laughing at other people’s poor decision making skills so much that you must have more right now, here some others that we considered:

Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together – Ew, no.
Space Rangers 2: Reboot – Stop using “reboot” in anything, now.
Baja: Edge of Control – Oooh, intense!
Mega Man Star Force 2: Zerker X Saurian & Zerker X Ninja – These are just stupid.
Burnout: Revenge – GENERIC!
ASO: Armored Scrum Object – lol wat?
Defense Grid: The Awakening – Good game, dumb subtitle.
The Hardy Boys: The Hidden Theft – I prefer my thefts to be in the open, with lots of witnesses.
Tomb Raider: Underworld – She raids tombs, isn’t she always in the “underworld?”
Vampire Rain: Altered Species – Yes, that would be what a vampire is.
Code of Honor 2: Conspiracy Island – Why they hell would you go to a place called “Conspiracy Island?”
Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice – Did you mean to say “injustice?”
Twin Eagle: Revenge Joe's Brother – Who’s Joe? A helicopter? And he’s got a brother? What?
Barkley: Shut Up And Jam! – Okay! Just stop yelling! :(

Feb 6, 2009

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  • DreamWeaverPL - October 30, 2010 3:12 p.m.

    This article is mostly the truth and should be read at schools and whatnot, BUT the author doesn't know where the boundaries are and becomes a douchebag. I mean, what's wrong in 'absence of justice', why would one word 'injustice' look and sound better? Would you like to live in a reality in which EVERYTHING is written ONLY in SIMPLE ENGLISH? Is contemporary English too much? Would you like to see it reduced to 500 words? And what's wrong with "Resistance: Fall of Man"? It's a good title. It's stupid because "resistance" contrasts with "fall"? *HONK* BULLSHIT!!! It's a good subtitle that actually FITS WELL WITHIN THE PLOT.
  • bugmenot - October 14, 2010 3:58 a.m.

    Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest I think they were a little too clever on this one, because you know people wrote "Diddy Kong's Quest" half the time (if they could be bothered to write all that out).
  • soren7550 - April 24, 2010 1:09 a.m.

    I luzed at several of the pics.
  • TheSugarRay - April 21, 2010 8:36 a.m.

    So, is this another list where GTA is the exemption? Now its time for "Proof your not a sexybot by looking at a pickture of two words 34:The Game"
  • jmcgrotty - April 20, 2010 7:24 a.m.

    A subtitle didn't ruin Mirrors Edge. It was the piece of shit gameplay.
  • thejadefalcon - February 14, 2009 11:18 a.m.

    Not as impressed with this article. For a start, ODST DOES mean something. Orbital Drop Shock Trooper. If you have read the books, then you'll know this. If you haven't read the books, you'll probably know it upon reading the back of the box. And ODST is far easier to say in conversation than Orbital Drop Shock Trooper. The "True" Soldiers thing made me laugh though. American soldiers versus the SAS. SAS wins. Anyway, in Tomb Raider: Underworld, the underworld is quite a bit more literal than usual. Underworld refers to the realm of the dead, not a tomb. To my knowledge, the closest she got previously was Atlantis. As to The Hardy Boys: The Hidden Theft, there is a long-drawn out explanation as to why that could potentially make sense, but I don't know the game's plot (nor do I care) so the explanation probably wouldn't fit.
  • Stuffgamer1 - February 13, 2009 4:19 p.m.

    Hilarious article. I agree with those who have said that some of the subtitles make sense, but the sarcasm is GREAT! I defy you to think of a better subtitle for Tomb Raider: Underworld, though. :P
  • Onefish - February 12, 2009 3:51 a.m.

    Dragonball Z Budokai Tenkaiichi 2 Shin Another Road Never Ending Title: The game.
  • Cra-Z-Jake - February 10, 2009 1:55 a.m.

    My only explanation as to why they used "World At War" is.... Since it's not just Europe, they decided to say "world"? If that's the case, I'm wondering why they didn't put "Call of Duty 3: Europe At War". Is it not self explanatory?
  • barrage7667 - February 9, 2009 8:31 p.m.

    how about the game achievement unlocked...tht sounds like something u would get on the 360 or PS3 for trophies and points
  • GamesRadarJoeMcNeilly - February 9, 2009 3:40 p.m.

    I always thought that "A Link to the Past" was a horribly awful pun, luckily the game delivered the goods
  • TreyTable - February 9, 2009 2:17 a.m.

    I have to say that ODST sounds good as well. Better than F.E.A.R., I think, but I do think that the title should just drop off the number 3. Halo: ODST sounds better than Halo 3: ODST.
  • TreyTable - February 9, 2009 2:06 a.m.

    So Tyler, "Xenosaga Episode I: Der Wille zur Macht" is stupid because you are? You didn't get a good education, so therefore things that you do not understand must be stupid? You don't know German, neither do I. But you don't know Nietzsche? As for the Japanese release of Xenosaga Episode I, they didn't have it in German because their alphabets are radically different from that of German and English. So why German, right? That's just too easy. Namco probably didn't want to dumb it down, thinking that English speaking audiences would be in an uproar that Namco was ripping off Nietzsche.
  • Moschetto - February 8, 2009 11:04 p.m.

    Which has more impact: “Resistance” or “Resistance: Some Useless Text?” Resistance: Some Useless Text, actually. It balances the title and makes it a bit more memorable, you see. Thank God you guys weren't marketing the game.
  • flk - February 8, 2009 10:22 p.m.

  • TradanBattlan - February 8, 2009 4:44 p.m.

    (INSERT GAME TITLE): The Game The Game The Game We all just lost the game.
  • sourpunch - February 8, 2009 6:46 a.m.

    Great article one of my favorites on GR. Good job Tyler. Also Defender: Saving the Human Race is pretty bad lol
  • Bov11 - February 8, 2009 1:09 a.m.

  • 9-B - February 7, 2009 6:16 p.m.

    S.L.A.I: Phantom Crash Because Steel Lancer Arena International needs a longer title, or a sequel
  • Yellowhat17 - February 7, 2009 3:09 a.m.

    You should have covered Ogre Tactics: Let Us Cling together! As if the 1st person narrative isn't strange and awkward, I mean... the title is, one more time: Ogre Tactics: Let us Cling together Also, ROFL at the AC: For Answer one :D

Showing 1-20 of 71 comments

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