Standout lyric: “Cause it’s official, cause every test it passes / Mario brothers are cool like sunglasses”
Another inexplicably out-of-character musical release from Nintendo. As with White Knuckle Scorin’, Super Mario Compact Disco was brought into existence at the zenith of the plumber’s popularity. But, whereas Scorin’ only had one game-specific track, Compact Disco featured 19 tracks of unapologetically dorky dance music. If you were 10 and into games, you loved this shit.
It never made a splash in the US, but apparently the Brits ate it up – the track “Super Mario Land” is said to have climbed the UK charts when it was released in 1993. We devoted an entire segment of our TalkRadar podcast to Compact Disco, and with track names like “Save Me (With Your Charm)” and “Six Golden Coins” there’s no reason any fan embarrassing audio should miss out. Wonderfully terrible!
By: Konami Kukeiha Club
Standout lyric: “Dracula, you better beware, your time is through / Cuz Simon is coming after you. He’s coming! (Right Now!)”
It’s amazing the legend of Dracula existed for 94 rap-free years. Then, as the early 90s would have it, Dracula and much of the Castlevania music catalog were converted into synth-spamming, high-pitched arrangements that deftly mix the poignant harmonies of Boyz II Men with the gee-whiz lyrics of Aqua. A compelling mix, for sure.
This entry almost doesn’t count, as the Kukeiha Club is part of Konami’s internal team. However, no one asked them to put lyrics to some of gaming’s most remixed songs, so they’re fair game in our eyes (they also incorrectly call Simon Belmont “Simmon”). We could write more on this, but honestly, the best way to experience this is to listen yourself.
Use Your Might (Kano Wins)
By: The Immortals
Standout lyric: “You are wanted, and you’re haunted / You’re the bad guy, and I feel for you / You’re in danger, a fallen angel / But I like you, you’re the strongest of them all”
Picking one song to represent the conceptual clustershart that is Mortal Kombat: The Album is damn near impossible. Every single second of every single track is a gold mine of “wait, what?” to the point where we finally just settled on this Stockholm Syndrome addled rant from a woman who’s in love with the irredeemably monstrous Kano.
Standout lyric: “Make your body rock, make your body move / To the killer groove (the killer groove)”
Once considered Nintendo’s “cool” game, the Killer Instinct franchise has been utterly forgotten by Rare. The SNES port of the original arcade unit marked the beginning of Nintendo’s “So Who Needs A New System?” marketing push, suggesting that the SNES was more than enough to handle the incoming PlayStation and Saturn. Oh and it came with a CD of tracks about the fighters.
If you ask us (thank you for asking, by the way) all the instrumental tracks are decent to surprisingly good, while anything with lyrics stumbles into “oh, dear” territory. “The Way You Move” wins out for managing to get the KI announcer (yes, the same one who yells C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!) to sing a song about rocking your body. Yikes.
Last page – A leaked company demo, a top 40 band pimps PlayStation and a bunch of spoiled kids drone about how much they love being rich
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