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The 10 cheesiest songs about videogames

King of the Koopas

By: Ambassadors of Funk

Standout lyric: “Cause it’s official, cause every test it passes / Mario brothers are cool like sunglasses”

Another inexplicably out-of-character musical release from Nintendo. As with White Knuckle Scorin’, Super Mario Compact Disco was brought into existence at the zenith of the plumber’s popularity. But, whereas Scorin’ only had one game-specific track, Compact Disco featured 19 tracks of unapologetically dorky dance music. If you were 10 and into games, you loved this shit.

It never made a splash in the US, but apparently the Brits ate it up – the track “Super Mario Land” is said to have climbed the UK charts when it was released in 1993. We devoted an entire segment of our TalkRadar podcast to Compact Disco, and with track names like “Save Me (With Your Charm)” and “Six Golden Coins” there’s no reason any fan embarrassing audio should miss out. Wonderfully terrible!


Bloody Tears

By: Konami Kukeiha Club

Standout lyric: “Dracula, you better beware, your time is through / Cuz Simon is coming after you. He’s coming! (Right Now!)”

It’s amazing the legend of Dracula existed for 94 rap-free years. Then, as the early 90s would have it, Dracula and much of the Castlevania music catalog were converted into synth-spamming, high-pitched arrangements that deftly mix the poignant harmonies of Boyz II Men with the gee-whiz lyrics of Aqua. A compelling mix, for sure.

This entry almost doesn’t count, as the Kukeiha Club is part of Konami’s internal team. However, no one asked them to put lyrics to some of gaming’s most remixed songs, so they’re fair game in our eyes (they also incorrectly call Simon Belmont “Simmon”). We could write more on this, but honestly, the best way to experience this is to listen yourself.


Use Your Might (Kano Wins)

By: The Immortals

Standout lyric: “You are wanted, and you’re haunted / You’re the bad guy, and I feel for you / You’re in danger, a fallen angel / But I like you, you’re the strongest of them all”

Picking one song to represent the conceptual clustershart that is Mortal Kombat: The Album is damn near impossible. Every single second of every single track is a gold mine of “wait, what?” to the point where we finally just settled on this Stockholm Syndrome addled rant from a woman who’s in love with the irredeemably monstrous Kano.

Bonus video! Shael Riley and the Double Ice Backfire paid proper tribute to the infamous Sub Zero track (Chinese Ninja Warrior) with this alt-rock rendition. Your life is a mystery…


The Way You Move

By: Graeme Norgate & Robin Beanland

Standout lyric: “Make your body rock, make your body move / To the killer groove (the killer groove)”

Once considered Nintendo’s “cool” game, the Killer Instinct franchise has been utterly forgotten by Rare. The SNES port of the original arcade unit marked the beginning of Nintendo’s “So Who Needs A New System?” marketing push, suggesting that the SNES was more than enough to handle the incoming PlayStation and Saturn. Oh and it came with a CD of tracks about the fighters.

If you ask us (thank you for asking, by the way) all the instrumental tracks are decent to surprisingly good, while anything with lyrics stumbles into “oh, dear” territory. “The Way You Move” wins out for managing to get the KI announcer (yes, the same one who yells C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!) to sing a song about rocking your body. Yikes.

Last page – A leaked company demo, a top 40 band pimps PlayStation and a bunch of spoiled kids drone about how much they love being rich

57 comments

  • Manny-Faces - June 9, 2010 6:32 p.m.

    music to my ears
  • wolfgang212 - August 31, 2009 7:15 p.m.

    i want all of these as ringtones... now.
  • secretsearcher - August 29, 2009 2:59 p.m.

    OH MY GOD. I hadn't watched the last video yet when I wrote that other comment. OH MY GOD. WORST VOICE EVER. It makes me feel kind of bad for the kid though...
  • garnsr - August 29, 2009 12:35 a.m.

    Del tha Funky Homosapien has a song on Both Sides of the Brain that's all about video games, called Protoculture, that's pretty cheesy. He even mentions the Turbo Grafx at one point.
  • CH3BURASHKA - August 28, 2009 7:03 p.m.

    I still have the Killer Cuts CD, and listen to it now and then. It's awesome, and awesomely hilarious, and awesomely bad. We need a new KI. Also, there needs to be an archer character, so that when his/her moves are interrupted, the guy can say BOW-BREAKER.
  • TomMishkin - August 27, 2009 11:02 p.m.

    "I expected the zelda song by system of a down to be here" HEY C'MON! That was great. Pure fanboy stuff. Lyrics were AT LEAST on par with T.S. Eliot and Walt Whitman. AT LEAST.
  • AntistasBoneShield - August 27, 2009 9:40 p.m.

    I like Chinese Ninja Warrior. Those 12 year olds are terrible!
  • TheWebSwinger - August 27, 2009 8:32 p.m.

    I really am hooked on the Brothers, it's no laughing matter. I just need one more star, man...one more star...
  • Bobbety - August 27, 2009 6:46 p.m.

    I could perfectly picture the guys at the top of the article singing along to "King of the Koopas".
  • mastersword369 - August 27, 2009 3:22 p.m.

    What about that Mario themed country song from T-Dar 35? I know it was somewhere in the 30's, I'm pretty sure it was 35.
  • Conman93 - August 27, 2009 3:09 p.m.

    I expected the zelda song by system of a down to be here
  • SausageLozenge - August 27, 2009 10:55 a.m.

    "if you were 10 and into games, you loved this shit." You are a poet Mr. Elston.
  • Unoriginal - August 27, 2009 9:27 a.m.

    @Dameon Angell How are they still playing? I am going to wash my ears now.
  • FistfulofPelican - August 27, 2009 8:31 a.m.

    I know most of these have already been shown on the podcast, but I still find them hilarious.
  • Dameon Angell - August 27, 2009 6:05 a.m.

    YO BRETT! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVJzc-SBfM0 BLACK OUT IS BACK WITH A PUNK VENGEANCE!
  • garnsr - August 27, 2009 4:23 a.m.

    I loved Ode to a Centipede when I was a kid. That album had some great stuff, Pac Man Fever was probably my least favorite. (Mouse trap, mouse trap, cheese was the bait)
  • BlackIce575 - August 27, 2009 12:33 a.m.

    ....... that sucked
  • 5DollarFootlong - August 26, 2009 11:29 p.m.

    this article is full of win because of killer cuts and mortal kombat. this article is full of fail because of the entire 3rd page. good job brett.
  • CoD4Kamikazi - August 26, 2009 11:29 p.m.

    one of my favorite video game songs has got to be Test Your Might, freakin' awesome dance music, I really liked that The Way You Move song, that was an epic beat
  • CountFenring - August 26, 2009 11:05 p.m.

    I'm surprised no one made a song up. I'd love to listen to a song about Gabriel Knight from Charlie.

Showing 1-20 of 57 comments

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