The 10 cheesiest songs about videogames

Gaming and music collide in train wreck of deliciously awful audio

Standout lyric: “N*Sync Hotline, Dragon Ball / Alone in the Dark, and that’s not all”

This song. Jesus, this song. It is the epitome of clueless marketing in a room full of yes men, where no one, literally no one stepped in to say “um, actually this is a horrible idea and the cheesiest, stupidest song the world will ever know. Honestly, who’s the audience for this, and how much did we pay this lady to belt out random game names? What if this gets out and the whole of the internet links it around and Infogrames becomes a laughing stock and synonymous with ‘out of touch publisher?’ Oh hey let’s buy Atari.”

And buy Atari it did. ‘Grames also bought Gremlin Interactive, MicroProse, Humongous Entertainment, Accolade, GT Interactive, Ocean, Paradigm and Shiny, all names that once meant something, dried up and then were sloughed off.

This former employeehas a small bit to share regarding prior worlds being rocked.

Standout lyric: “Ridge Racer, Oddworld, Winning Eleven / The game on my PlayStation”

We’re sure no one’s forgotten Eiffel’s “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” from late 1999 (currently being voco-sampled in Flo Rida’s “Candy”), but how many actually bought the album, listened through to track six and found an entire song devoted to the late ‘90s PlayStation lineup? There are barely any lyrics at all, as the remaining lines are “Tekken 3, Metal Gear Solid, Resident Evil, Gran Turismo, Omega Boost, Bloody Roar, X-Files all over the world.”

It doesn’t matter how annoying you think “Blue” was or how cheesy “My Console” is for being nothing more than an unsolicited commercial, for the final song on the list transcends silly and plummets straight into a hellish nightmare.

Standout lyric: “GameCube, Xbox, PlayStation 2 / Know all about them as soon as they’re new”

OK. We don’t want to dash the dreams of a bunch of 12-year-old kids, but um, this is really bad. It’s admirable that they got together, made a band, play their own instruments and shot this video, and we won’t make fun of the lyrics too much (none of us were writing Bob Dylan songs at age 12), but the voice… the VOICE. It’s like a mechanical cat being dragged through a wood chipper. We’ll leave it at that, as the internet has probably already given these kids enough grief.

We kinda wish there was more to go on here, like another song that was newer than 2007 that displayed some sense of their growth, but that’s all there is. Did they make one batch of songs and call it quits? We signed up for the newsletter and haven’t heard a peep!

To end on a more positive note, here’s a Japanese-only Castlevania track that may or may not be cheesy. The two GR editors who speak Japanese are gone today and the internet waits for no one.

Aug 26, 2009

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