A side-scrolling cell-phone spinoff set sometime between God of War and God of War II, this bastard child of the series tends to be ignored by even the most die-hard Kratos fans. However, that doesn't mean Kratos has to go for an entire game without killing so much as a single relative. In this case, the object of his anger is Hermes's son Ceryx, who makes the mistake of intervening right when Kratos fights the mysterious Assassin.
Above: Oh yeah, this is going to end well
For the crime of cock-blocking the god of war, Ceryx met a messy end at the hands of his half-uncle. You'd think by this point the Olympians would have learned not to stand within 10 feet of the guy, but no, they just have to go starting shit.
OK, now we're getting somewhere. With Ares and Ceryx down, and nobody left to blame but himself and everyone else in his immediate vicinity, Kratos starts killing his way through the family in earnest. First up is Theseus, half-mortal son of Poseidon and Kratos's first cousin, who gets his head slammed repeatedly in a huge iron door. Then comes Kratos's half-brother Perseus, who rightly decides Kratos is a villain and winds up hanging from a meathook for his trouble.
Finally, at the end of the game, Kratos is about to exact his revenge of Zeus when Athena - Kratos's half-sister and the closest thing he has to a friend on Olympus - leaps between them.
So, by the end of Kratos's adventures on the PS2, here's how things stand:
Next page: Kratos decimates his own bloodline in God of War III