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Six horrific crimes you never realized you were committing in games

4. Grave robbing (Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion)


In every culture that buries its dead, they do so with the expectation that the deceased will remain undisturbed forever. They are buried with but a few of their worldly possessions. Some have a bit of coin for the boatman, a wedding ring as a symbol of undying love, or even a prized weapon that has seen a noble warrior through countless battles.

But as the ‘Hero of Kvatch’, stalks through the halls of ancient tombs and ruins; no grave, no sarcophagus, and no coffin is safe from your prying fingers. That coin, that ring, and that weapon – once objects of immeasurable significance and value- are now only trinkets to be pocketed or hawked.

Did you ever think that all the zombies, ghosts, wraiths, and skeletons wandering around Tamriel might be the result of such blatant disrespect?


Above: GIVE IT BAAAAAAACK! 


3. Peddling drugs to children (Fallout 3)


‘Right’ and ‘Wrong’ in a lawless, resource starved wasteland are anomalous concepts indeed. However, it takes a special breed of amorality to provide a steady stream of highly addictive and dangerous substances to prepubescent xenophobic children holed up in a cave. But in the ‘Fungus Deal’ side quest, that’s precisely what the Lone Wanderer does. ‘Buffout’ treats rickets, ‘Mayor’ MacCready assures you – and while it’s true that steroids (which is what ‘buffout’ IS for-all-intents-and-purposes) can be used to help treat rickets, at some point between 20 – 45 bottles of the stuff, ‘medicinal’ becomes ‘recreational’.

Now we all know the effects of long-term anabolic steroid abuse, but pair that with the trace amounts of the Forced Evolution Virus that everyone’s breathing in; and the town of Little Lamplight is likely to become the next breeding ground for a new tiny-testicled horde of horror to be set upon the wastes.


Above: Increased aggression. One of the first signs of steroid abuse 

48 comments

  • Zeb364 - May 5, 2011 9:40 p.m.

    @Evil_AppleJuice: Agreed. I mean r-ape is pretty horrible but I don't think it's worse that wiping out an entire civilization. @KnightDehumidifier: Technically you're not because you capture a piece, you don't kill it. So you just end up taking them all prisoner.
  • FNG - July 20, 2010 12:34 a.m.

    Everyone watch this video by College Humor. It's just like this article http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kedjhnguKhc
  • civver - July 17, 2010 6:45 p.m.

    This is certainly new and unprecedented.
  • lemmy21 - July 15, 2010 11:21 a.m.

    Enjoyed the article.
  • GameManiac - July 15, 2010 4:19 a.m.

    This article makes me think of PETA's (or any animal protection group) opinion on Pokemon cruelty. As if I didn't see half of this article coming.
  • DrillurSimpson - July 15, 2010 12:37 a.m.

    lul. I don't care
  • nuno004 - July 14, 2010 7:14 p.m.

    @ Billiam101 that video was freakin funny, oh in chrono trigger if you take that old man at the fair's sandwich he screws you over in court reCAPTCHA: superber normal
  • AA95mp - July 14, 2010 4:28 p.m.

    everyone knows that pokemon is basicaly animal pit fighting and i enjoyed grave robbing in oblivion.
  • propagandainc - July 14, 2010 3:16 p.m.

    Nice interpretation.
  • TheHolyHandGrenade - July 14, 2010 11:51 a.m.

    @Billiam101 darn, i was going to link that. otherwises funny article
  • babyhenchy1 - July 14, 2010 11:48 a.m.

    I think you could list burglary under every RPG ever made as well. The SpoonyExperiment mocks it, and as Conrad says in Mass Effect 2, "Sometimes I poke through crates looking for extra credits."
  • pin316 - July 14, 2010 11:37 a.m.

    #5 is why i always said that pokemon isn't a kids game... it's cleverly dressed up like one, but the concept at the heart of the game is as follows: 1) capture wild animals 2) keep them in little cages shaped like balls 3) make them fight each other and what's more, you're not even making them fight each other to save the world or anything similar. It's all for your own selfish personal goald of being the best at capturing wild animals and making them fight each other.
  • philipshaw - July 14, 2010 11 a.m.

    Decent article and I have done all this stuff except for the RTS stuff
  • BOSS - July 14, 2010 10:34 a.m.

    Congratulations Gamesradar I nominate this article to contend with 'top 10 gamesradar shittest articles 2010.'
  • oryandymackie - July 14, 2010 10:13 a.m.

    I need a shower.
  • cj12297 - July 14, 2010 9:58 a.m.

    you do a lot of stealing and breaking in the lego games
  • JayBeat - July 14, 2010 9:04 a.m.

    Poor poke mans :(
  • AuthorityFigure - July 14, 2010 8:26 a.m.

    Like the terrible excuse used in Nuremberg, us gamers are only following orders...
  • CH3BURASHKA - July 14, 2010 7:17 a.m.

    I knew I was robbing people in Legend of Zelda. I knew I was cultivating animal slaves in Pokemon. I knew I was obliterating entire races in RTSes. And I have loved every second of it.
  • garnsr - July 14, 2010 5:40 a.m.

    This new, grand, wide format gives us the opportunity to see six smallish sections over three pages. Hooray for progress!

Showing 1-20 of 48 comments

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