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Shit characters who almost ruined their great games

The Prince

The great game he almost ruined: Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

At one time our Arabian ass-kicker was the Hugh Grant of games. OK, so he was loads more homicidal and not quite as foppish, but he was a charming bungler all the same. That all changed after Sands of Time, though. Ubisoft, decided a nice character obviously wasn’t going to shift copies, so they replaced the Prince’s soul with an all encompassing black pit of darkness, smothered in a chewy layer of gritty edge. Vulgar, with an embarrassing in-your-face ‘tude, he represents every committee-approved, cynical character that’s ever stunk up a game. Mind you, Warrior Within was actually arguably better than its predecessor. Oh, and he’s still way better than Jake Gyllenhaal.


Tidus

The great game he almost ruined: Final Fantasy X

The dude who technically doesn’t exist isn’t exactly a FF fan fave. An apparition created by his dying homeland, he spends most of the PS2’s first Final Fantasy acting like Johnny Jock A-hole. If he’s not acting like a showy so-and-so in blitzball, he’s trying to get his rocks off with a chaste chick who summons magic. Creepy preteen love aside, our boy is also backed up by a misjudged vocal performance, which just adds further faeces to the big ol’ crap cake that is Tidus. Still, at least he bites it at the end of the game. And no; his resurrection at the end of FFX-2 didn’t happen. Look, it didn’t, alight!?


Above: Again, surely not too much to ask?


Doctor Peter Venkman

The great game he almost ruined: Ghostbusters

Hello controversy, my old friend. How you been? Now before you do yourself an injury with all that pent up rage you must be feeling, we should tell you we love Bill Murray’s kickass sardonic doc… in the film. Let’s be honest, the Peter Venkman we get in the game is hella phoned in and disinterested. Sure, he still manages to coast by on the odd tiny nugget of charisma buried under all the apathy. But Murray’s usual relaxed delivery has slipped into full blown comatose mode. And the so-so script, designed to be carried to the finish line by nostalgia-addled fan boys, only further desecrates the memory of film’s most sarcy PhD.


Sev

The great game he almost ruined: Killzone 2

Is it a mute? Is it a plane? No, it’s just a really weird cross of Gordon Freeman syndrome mixed with a healthy dollop of cheesy Master Chief one-liners. Silent like a really shooty mime for most of Guerrilla’s awesome FPS, Sev occasionally breaks his silence to swear or point out the obvious. A personality vacuum so powerful, he threatens to suck the rest of the game into his banality, it’s only the fact he gets to use the most badass flamethrower ever that saves this shitty solider from the firing line of full-on hate. Also, Rico? Yeah, what a douche.


Above: One of these is a black hole. The other, Killzone 2's main character. We just don't know which is which

Mar 25, 2010


55 comments

  • KrazyGamer - July 30, 2010 5:24 a.m.

    Tidus is gay.
  • ryno - June 6, 2010 7:01 p.m.

    am i the only one who hates the claptraps
  • snothammer - March 31, 2010 3:22 a.m.

    I honestly thought Raiden was a great character. The story just couldn't exist and be as epic without him, and all his 'hatable' personality traits. It is because of Raiden that Arsenal Gear becomes such a powerful force to the player: it literally tricks the player the whole time. Sure, Snake was tricked by Liquid in MGS1, but if he had been put through the Arsenal Gear-Colonel switch, he would have looked weak and naive. Raiden is essential because he is weak and naive. And it allows for his change between MGS2 and 4 to be so friggin' awesome. Although, I do admit that Raiden didn't have to sound like such a pussy when he says "Freeze." I'll concede on that one.
  • blitzpoisonpunk - March 29, 2010 3:41 p.m.

    Thats such a lie final fantasy X wasnt ruined by Tidus, it was ruined by everyone who wasn't Kimahri and Rikku...............I miss Sakaguchi.................
  • andthenightwillcome - March 28, 2010 2:45 p.m.

    Funny that Raiden is going to be the star of the next MGS...oh, the irony!
  • keaton121 - March 28, 2010 6:28 a.m.

    at least Raiden made up for it in MGS4! Never forget! also Tidus, whadda fag! never really liked that game.
  • romensuarez - March 28, 2010 5:21 a.m.

    i thought bill murry was funny in Ghostbusters...then again it could have just been the fan boy nostalgia. i think Sora and Roxas need to be on this list too.
  • SilentGiant - March 27, 2010 11:51 p.m.

    I always liked Daxter and I thought he really made the games more fun. I have absolutely no idea who the others are because I never played FF or MGS. Good article, I guess.
  • groovy3000 - March 27, 2010 4:47 p.m.

    i hated raiden so much. I thought mei ling was annoying in MGS1 with her ancient chinese proverbs but in 2 every time i saved, raiden would have a ten minute chat about their relationship
  • DeathbyFira - March 27, 2010 2:17 p.m.

    I agree with @tyger all those characters had more meaning to them cuz of one very weird scene in msg2 people have to start bitching about radien i actualy like him and Nero was a bit of a whiney emo but the guy HAD A FREAKING possed arm which kick alot more ass then dante himself and Tidus was a bit of a baby in the beginning but he grows from the experince and turns into a awesome hero and come on yuna is freaking hot but yea they cried and had emotions and where much bigger saps in a way from are favorite heros but to me but i didnt mind those guys the prince and daxter and Jhonnny did ruin in for me tho
  • EnragedTortoise1 - March 27, 2010 1:27 a.m.

    Tit-us was annoying, but he sorta became more mature near the end... right? oh, and search "final fantasy 10 in 5 seconds" on Youtube, it's really funny.
  • AVenGer777 - March 27, 2010 1:05 a.m.

    Rico was a douche but,he's badass
  • Coolbeans69 - March 27, 2010 12:43 a.m.

    i thought daxter was hilarious in the ps2, though it has been awhile
  • philipshaw - March 26, 2010 1:25 p.m.

    Have to agree with Raiden being on this list, he only got cool in MGS4
  • Vagrant - March 26, 2010 10:51 a.m.

    Whaat? Johnny Klebitz is awesome. He's hilarious and wise in a corny gruff biker way. Kicks some arse too.
  • hazelam - March 26, 2010 8:17 a.m.

    what about squall from ffxiii? he would have killed the game if that time jumping, redo all your equipment and magic every time thing hadn't killed it.
  • Samael - March 26, 2010 3:47 a.m.

    Just adding to the pile of people who were ok with (if not loved) Raiden. He was pefectly fine in MGS2 and then became even better in MGS4. His story in 4 was more interesting than Snake's at certain points and I can't wait for Rising.
  • FinderKeeper - March 26, 2010 3:03 a.m.

    Viva Hate! I feed of it, I grow stronger every day... feel the power of the Dark Side... ...only a week? Damn.
  • VideoGameKing - March 26, 2010 2 a.m.

    ok,1 3 of these make no sence at all,2 you dis neo and tidus,you dis me,and 3 dising me,is insulting the gameing communaty
  • GameManiac - March 26, 2010 1:15 a.m.

    Who's responsible for killing that kickass prince of persia and replacing him with that dumbass-looking emo?

Showing 1-20 of 55 comments

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