SFX Spurious Awards

Which people and products will be this week’s recipients of our daftly-named gongs?

ACRONYM OF THE WEEK

Okay, the movie Splice (basically a Frankenstein for the genetic age) isn’t out until late July in the UK, but it was released in the US this week, so you’ll be seeing the reviews, and reading about NERD quite a bit. What’s NERD? That’s the name of the company doing the genetic research in the film. It’s the kind of acronym that harks back to the glory days of ’60s and ’70s TV SF; the days of TOMTIT (Transmission Of Matter Through Interstitial Time – Doctor Who ), BIG RAT (Brain Impulse Galvanoscope Record And Transfer – JOE 90 ) and CUPID (Cabinet Underground Premises In Depth – The Avengers ); the days when the name came first and the words that gave you the initials were chosen and crowbarred into position afterwards. NERD, it turns out, stands for the wonderfully inelegant-sounding Nucleic Exchange Research and Development, and thus earns its place in TRASHCAN (The Rubbish Academy of SHamelessly Contorted Acronymic Names).

Splice also wins supplementary awards for MOST BIZARRE OPENING CREDITS OF THE WEEK (you look like you’re going to vanish up a foetus’s anus at one point, no honestly!) and MOST CRINGEY IN-JOKE OF THE WEEK (the scientist couple at the heart of the film have the unlikely names of Clive and Elsa – which may ring a bell …)

OPTIMIST OF THE WEEK

Without a doubt, this award goes to the Doctor for reckoning that a kissogram and a geologist are the perfect ambassadors for humanity in “Cold Blood”. His belief that Amy and Dr Chaudrhy can be the “best of humanity” is very sweet and all, but the Silurians really shouldn’t be surprised if Earth politicians have other ideas. Can you imagine the scene in the White House?

President Obama: “So, what did you want to see me about, young lady?”
Amy: “Well, there is this race of warrior lizards living under the Earth who want their planet back.”
President Obama: “Gee, that sucks.”
Amy: “Don’t worry, I've brokered a deal with them…”
President Obama: “You have. That’s great. And your qualifications are…?”
Amy: “I strip off in front of drunken stag parties.”
President Obama: “I’m not liking the sound of this…”
Amy: “And I told them they could all live in the Grand Canyon. It’s not like anyone’s living there!”
President Obama: “Hang on, you said warrior lizards?”
Amy: “Yeah, but it’s okay, because they have breasts even though as reptiles they shouldn’t…”
President Obama (picking up the phone): “Joe, get me the Chief of Staff NOW! And escort this woman off the premises.”
Amy: “Och, that’s not nice. Is it because I’m Scottish?”

PRANK OF THE WEEK

A bunch of students at Minnesota’s Carleton College gave the institution’s observatory a Star Wars makeover. By next week we hope that someone has turned the 02 Arena into the Millennium Falcon.

I WANT ONE OF THOSE OF THE WEEK

Unfortunately you can’t have one of these, as this Han Solo In Carbonite desk was a bespoke commission, created by Tom Spina Designs for Mark Hall from the pop group Casting Crowns (no, we’ve never heard of them either). Wonder if it comes with an option where if you tell it you love it, it answers, “I know”?

MOST BIZARRE CHALLENGE OF THE WEEK… ACTUALLY, MAKE THAT EVER

There’s a new craze sweeping the internet. Well, maybe not sweeping, but it’s certainly crazed. Did Tim Burners-Lee ever realise what his creation would unleash into the world? Doctor Who , ukulele-based filk, that’s what. You could claim that these people have too much time on their hands, but if they weren’t doing this, we dread to think where their energies may otherwise be channelled. Even more bizarre (yes it gets even more bizarre, though that’s a bit like talking about Avatar and going, “Even more of a rip-off of Dances With Wolves ”…) there’s even an internet challenge to see who can come up with the best ukulele version of the K-9 And Company theme tune. You will watch as slack-jawed as one of the yokels from Deliverance


SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK

CUTE OVERLOAD OF THE WEEK
There’s not much we can add to this…