SFX Spurious Awards

V homage to The Human Centipede , superhero dinosaurs and loads, loads more…

MOST DISAPPOINTING MISDIRECTION OF THE WEEK
For a moment during the latest episode of No Ordinary Family we were convinced that Natalie has a very good reason for not wanting to date chipmunk-in-a-Bieber-wig, JJ. There they are, having a chat in a cafe and she says…

"You have been adorably persistent,” she tells JJ, “but you and me getting back together it’s…” Then she’s distracted by something.

“…Impossible?” prompts JJ through the nuts hidden in his cheeks. But Natalie appears to be ogling the waitress.

“What’s wrong?” asks JJ, as the camera gives us a loving shot from Natalie’s POV, peering straight down the waitress’s cleavage. “Oh my God!” thinks the audience, “Natalie’s a lesbian. That’s a bit daring for No Ordinary Family !”

“The locket!” gasps Natalie. “The LOCKET?!” groans the audience. “So much for the show actually doing something interesting for a change…”

DISCO DANCING OF THE WEEK

Outcasts’ Cass takes time out from rescuing a mate during a “whiteout” storm to strut his stuff and trip the light fantastic. That man is on fire.

PHILOSOPHER OF THE WEEK

Joint winners here. First we have the ever quipsome Damon Salvatore with, “There's no such thing as a bad idea. Just poorly executed awesome ones.” And secondly, from the latest Jasper Fforde Thursday Next book One Of Our Thursdays Is Missing (the review copy came into the office this week): “For every expert opinion, there is an equal and opposite expert opinion.” (See “REVIEW OF THE WEEK” on the next page.)

SORRY, WE’RE NOT BUYING THAT OF THE WEEK

The Doctor Who Experience exhibition that’s just about to open at Olympia 2 in London is fab (especially the 3D flight through the time vortex with a Dalek sticking its plunger right out of the screen at you), but while the Doctor might “love a little shop" he might have something to say about the labels, “Great DVD OFFERS!” and “Planet Of Evil £24.42” sitting next to each other.

WEIRDEST RHINO-RELATED SCAVENGER HUNT OF THE WEEK

Anyone who follows Misha Collins on Twitter will already know that before Christmas he encouraged his 119,000 followers to vote in a poll for TV Guide to put Supernatural on their front cover. They did (ironically, Collins wasn’t included in the shot, although given how Ackles and Padalecki were so heavily Photoshopped that they looked like plastic dolls, that’s probably a blessing).

As a reward, Collins promised to send his followers pieces of a rhino – and he delivered (click on the image above for a larger, more readable version). He also launched a scavenger hunt, with a list of tasks for his rhino teams to perform that reads like... well, see for yourself below.

What we can’t understand is how sending him a photo of your parking tickets is worth more points than proof of the existence of life after death. Then again, that's Misha Collins for you. His logic is not like our Earth logic...

MASTER LIST OF SCAVENGER ITEMS:
1. A photo of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece standing near (or far) from an actual rhinoceros (or reasonable facsimile of a rhinoceros) – 9 points
2. A photo of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece with any President, Prime Minister or Supreme Ruler – 8 points
3. A photo of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece with Jim Beaver in which both the person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece and Jim Beaver have cigars in their mouths – 14 points
4. A photo of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece standing next to fully decorated as a Christmas tree – 13 points
5. A photo or video of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece dancing the hora and lighting a menorah – 16 points
6. A photo of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece, sitting next to a lime jello mold with a piece of the Berlin wall suspended in it – 19 points
7. A video of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece(s) setting up a tent on a traffic island (must also unroll a sleeping bag and get in it and zip the tent shut) – 15 points
8. A photo of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece and 3 parking tickets made out to the same license plate number – 17 points
9. A video of a live mouse or gerbil and an authentic rhino puzzle piece in a Barbie’s dream house – 9 points
10. A video of a 5 year old child (or younger) playing any song by the Sex Pistols on a saxophone – 17 points
11. A video of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece singing an original song of 43 seconds in duration – 7.5 points
12. A photo of a cockroach on a croissant with the Eiffel Tower in the background – 19 points
13. A video of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece bestowing an act of random kindness for a complete stranger – 30 points
14. A video of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece(s) projecting an image at least 20 feet wide of the attached photo on an exterior wall of a federal government building at night - 30 points
15. A photo of a child swimming/bathing in a tub full of cranberries - 22 points
16. A photo of a man standing next to a sheep. The sheep must have a German flag draped over it’s back - 26 points
17. A photo of a skateboarder wearing a wig in front of Buckingham Palace - 21 points
18. Written or photographic proof of the existence of life after death - 16 points
19. A photo of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece in a Russian MIG fighter jet (any class of MIG will suffice) - 31 points
20. A photo of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece while being carried by a firefighter in front of a fire truck - 11 points
21. A photo of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece in a small, motor-less watercraft on the Yangtze River - 27 points
22. A photo of a person holding an authentic rhino puzzle piece with me while I’m wearing a single glittering, fingerless glove - 33 points

More Spurious Awards (and rhinos) on the next page

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WORRYING BUDGET CUTS OF THE WEEK

Looks like the sequels to Thor and Captain America could be cutting back , if this trip to the props department by Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans is anything to go by. Hang on. No cause for alarm. They’re just playing with the merchandise at the New York Toy Fair. Thor opens in May and Captain America: The First Avenger debuts in July.

REVELATION OF THE WEEK

This admission turned up on Lost producer Damon Lindelof’s Twitter feed this week: “For all those who were convinced we were making it up as we went along. http://bit.ly/gxSPlN (Nice work @Hartter777 ) http://twitter.com/Hartter777 ” We like a man with a sense of irony, and we like Sean Hartter’s inspired book idea too…

VALENTINE’S GIFT OF THE WEEK

Nothing says “I love you” more than a toyminator. “There are few gifts as synonymous with Valentine’s Day as the stuffed bear (often bearing chocolates),” explains dragonvpm oh the Indestructables website . “I decided to come up with something a bit different this Valentine’s day and after having made an LED heart last year I decided to try to create a Cylon Teddy bear complete with catch phrase (‘By your command’) and glowing red LED eye scanner.”

MOST WONDERFULLY BIZARRE AD OF THE WEEK
Bear with it… it gets sci-fi, in the cutest possible way.

CROSSOVER OVER THE WEEK
Superhero dinosaurs. Hollywood, are you getting this? make it now, but not with Michael Bay directing. Click on the image to find out the ingenious names the artist, d.r3sto, has given his creations.

WTF!?! OF THE WEEK
Toy Story 3 director Lee Unkrich himself was directing people to the following oddity from Mexican daytime TV. It kind of speaks for itself. Which is lucky, because we’re lost for words.

FASHION STATEMENT OF THE WEEK
Cthulhu ski mask, via BoingBoing .

LIVE ACTION GAME ADAPTATION OF THE WEEK
It’s only a minute and a half long, but it’s about a million times more entertaining than the Bob Hoskins Super Mario Brothers movie…