SFX Spurious Awards

Everlasting train journey on Chuck , Uther in pain on Merlin, new powers in Haven and loads more

SLOWEST TRAIN JOURNEY OF THE WEEK

Okay, so in the latest episode of Chuck that aired in the UK, Chuck and Sarah are making the most of their unscheduled getaway from their life of spies on a romantic pan-European train journey. And yeah, you can understand they'd like this bliss to last forever. But, blimey, what train have they managed to catch – the Eternity Express? Chuck’s ticket shows that they’re travelling from Paris to Zurich, which – as a quick check on RailEurope.com shows – takes four hours, 36 minutes. And they don’t even get as far as Zurich. And yet somehow they manage to get through at last nine meals on the journey, and have at least one night on board – they're staying in a sleeping carriage, fer chrissakes! Is this some special rail excursion designed for deluxe, uninterrupted bonking? Or is it just pedal powered?

AMAZING TELEPORTING CUP OF THE WEEK

The “troubles” in Haven (surely 2010’s shoe-in for the Turkey Of The Year award) seem to have spread to the show’s stars. Audrey Parker now appears to have the power to teleport a cup of coffee from one hand to another and back between shots. What do you mean, it could be just a continuity error? Nah! In a show where the supernatural spookiness includes stuffed animals that come to life, sentient shadows and food that goes rotten really fast, we’re pretty sure that coffee-porting is a going to be a major plot device.

TWILIGHT AUDITION OF THE WEEK

HG Wells (Jamie Murray) proves she can pull off the dunk-face-in-flour Cullen-look in the latest Warehouse 13 . And as she’s apparently being frozen to death at the time, presumably she’ll sparkle in the sunlight as well… Sorted.

GRIMACE OF THE WEEK

Wedgie!

MINIMALIST POSTERS OF THE WEEK

Aren’t these just so gorgeous? What, you’d like to buy them? Well you can . Congrats to artist Andy Helms. We love them…