SFX Issue 22

February 1997

The Hell He Can

Letter Of The Month

Dear SFX,
A while ago, a couple of friends and I were trying to think of plausible ways that Sheridan could survive falling down the pit at Z’Ha’Dum. After a few interesting explanations involving Shadows, cucumbers, Vorlon ships, resurrections, all-powerful beings, etc., the theories quicky became very silly indeed. So we now present you with...

65 (Edited) Increasingly Silly Ways For Sheridan To Survive Z’Ha’Dum....

1. He flaps his arms really hard...

2. The Enterprise comes out of warp speed at the last minute and saves him with a Quantum Relay Pulse Phase Inducer Barion Sweep Beam...

4. In a bizarre scriptwriting error, a cigarette-smoking man turns up to save the captain, asking him for “The Item...”

6. Sheridan takes some illegal substances to get as high as a kite, and thus flies out of the pit on his own...

10. Bugs Bunny pulls Sheridan into an alternate dimension to save the day by playing a game of baseball...

11. The Broadcasting Standards Council save Sheridan because his death would have been too gruesome for early evening viewing...

23. The Shadows save Sheridan, stating: “April Fool!”

31. Sheridan hits the bottom, but finds that he can’t die because he is “Sheridan Macleod of the Clan Macleod.”

34. The whole episode turns out to be Sheridan in a VR game entitled: “So Long, And Thanks For All The Kosh...”

35. Ivanova saves Sheridan and admits she wasn’t joking when she announced: “I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova’s recommendations. Ivanova is God.”

41. Asimov’s Laws mean that R Daneel Olivaw has to save Sheridan...

44. The pit is a special kind of wormhole to the Gamma Quadrant, leading to a bizarre cross-over experience...

49. Sheridan has a note from his mother saying he is allergic to death and has to be let off the afterlife.

51. The Shadows save Sheridan because they’re villains and therefore have to tell him their plan before they kill him.

59. Captain Sheridan is really Wile E Coyote in disguise...

65. Sheridan SPPLLLAAAAAATTTSSS into the ground, spreads all over the floor and then reforms because he’s really a T-1000.

Steve Wilkinson, cyberspace