Secret diary of a Halo: Reach team-mate

Read the first-hand accounts of one of Reach's bumbling A.I. UNSC soldiers

I love Halo: Reach. So much so, I’m currently penning some erotic fan fiction starring Noble Six and mysel… eh, someone else. Part of what makes it so amazitron? It’s genre-leading A.I. Seriously, battling the vile Covenant hordes is almost endlessly compelling thanks to their artificial smarts. Too bad the folks at Bungie didn’t put quite so much effort into the A.I. team-mates who back you up throughout the campaign. Death-pronebumblers who are more of a hindrance than help in a fight, almost every one of them is supremely shit behind the wheel of a Warthog. So to honour these seminally sucky NPCs, we've created a diary from the perspective ofMr.Johnny F*ckup NPC. Looking for backup on the battlefield, Spartan? Well, you're screwed.

Note: These daftteam-mate A.I. 'quirks'exist in loads of games. The reason for picking Reach? Simply because it's thetitle I'm done playing right now, innit? None of the little team-mate screw-ups below, whichhappened in my playthrough of the campaign, hampered my enjoyment of the game either. Hell, if anything it just made it a bit funnier and gaveReach a little more personality.