Scary conspiracy theory for the paranoid gamer

Ever read George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four? Ever suspected your bathroom mirror is a videocamera feeding your actions to the government? Ever switched off your phone to stop 'them' tracking your location? Then this article is for you.

There's massive potential for any of your gaming devices to be used by dark forces to monitor your actions. They aren't, of course. It would be highly illegal, so nobody would ever dream of trying it.

Which is exactly what they want you to think! This is the paranoid gamer's terrifying, entirely possible (if not plausible) surveillance reality of your favourite gaming console...


It can see you

That PlayStation Eye on top of your TV is always plugged in, pointed right at you. Sure, the game you're in doesn't support video chat, but that blue light is on, right? Yep, now you look back to things you've done on that sofa. Your PlayStation knows your secret - and is about to tell your mum. Don't think it doesn't know how blackmail works...

Above: Just try telling the cops it's from your games console...


It can hear you

As we reported only yesterday, Microsoft's Project Natal appears to be capable of recognising over 600 spoken phrases using its in-built microphone.

That's nothing new - The Google App on iPhone can understand you perfectly when you say "Orwellian surveillance is here", so do you really think the microphone on your DS isn't understanding every word you say?

You may wonder what use anyone could possibly get from hours upon hours of "Alright, I'll do it in a minute, I'm just doing this boss" or "I pressed shoot a million times, you %*&"!"

But consider the following:

And think about it - why else would Shadow the Hedgehog have been given a gun?


No broadband connection? You're still not safe

You might laugh and say "Hah - I'm not connected to the internet when I play games, so I'm safe." Well, smart-ass - have you ever seen one of these?

Above: A broadband connector for an electrical wall socket

Broadband internet can be transmitted directly through power lines. We're not making that up - the technology has been around for years. That means any wall socket in your home can potentially carry an internet signal. So what's to stop your console from sending all of the above data through its power flex?

Ever wondered why the Xbox 360 and Wii power bricks are so big? They're full of tiny elves converting your actions into data, ready to send to the Illuminati.

It sounds ludicrous, but I genuinely had a scary first-hand experience of this. While my girlfriend was using her laptop last week, the battery became low so she had to plug it in - the closest available socket being behind the sofa. With the laptop's power cable trailing beside me and the power brick a few inches behind my head, I realised I could hear a familiar sound. A modem. No kidding, I swear it was the sound of data being transferred.

Come on, there's no need to look so afraid. You haven't said, done or surfed to anything you shouldn't have near your console...

...have you?

22 Apr, 2010


  • RedChaos765 - April 25, 2010 9:48 a.m.

    Oops typo.
  • RedChaos765 - April 25, 2010 9:47 a.m.

    I knew it! My connsoles ARE spying on me and sending everything I do to Nintendo and Sony!
  • NorwegianKingOfNames - April 24, 2010 4:56 p.m.

    @ iamcare I suggest getting a sense of humour.
  • IHateMakingUserIDs - April 23, 2010 4:33 p.m.

    @crumbdunky Maybe all those cameras are the reason why you have low crime rates? If anyone is really that upset about the possibility of someone knowing what they are eating for dinner, who they are having relations with and when, and what colour sock you have on you are seriously missing the mark. No one is going to bust down your door for wearing white after labour day, staying up til 3 am playing wow or L4D2, or even if you forgot to take out the trash. Maybe if they catch you selling some illegal products or whipping a child, but then it is a good thing that they caught you. Just live your life have you have been and don't go killing anyone in front of your PSWiibox and you'll be fine.
  • Link555 - April 23, 2010 4:15 p.m.

    i also hear voices, but only around the ps3, the illuminati are doing it im sure
  • philipshaw - April 23, 2010 2:08 p.m.

    Strange,I have never thought about this
  • crumbdunky - April 23, 2010 8:17 a.m.

    iamcare has a point. the authorities in the UK are worse than China for infringing upon our privacy and we don't get in the bottom ten list for human rights(in the UK) do we? The authorities can access ALL your past texts, all your past browsing history, posting history and email history. My little boy's school is less than half a mile away, across a semi rural housing estate and on the way there from home we pass 27(that I can see/notice! lord knows what's hidden!)bloody cameras! To my knowledge none are traffic cameras and we've got practically zero crime to speak of here either. So what exactly are the police/councl keeping us safe from by wasting all this money on spying? I'm not THAT paranoid but, seriously, our liberty s being eroded bit by bit(in England it is anyway)as they continue stealthing in measures to look deeper into our lives without ever asking permission ansd expecting the "it's for your own good" line to excuse it all even when it doesn't add up. As a result I wouldn't put mass home watching/listening past UK governments at all. Some kind of bug in every PC or console? When there's 27 cameras protecting nothing why wouldn't I think a cheap measure like that wouldn't be on the cards. They definitely wouldn't ask us before they did it either! So, yeah, it's good to laugh ayt this sometimes but don't let that make you lose sight of the reality-we ARE becoming less free and have fewer rights to privacy than ever before and nothing they do is run past us first. Honestly, it's making a mockery of democracy when each govt carries on this project of monitoring us eve more closely. It stinks and it'as just another arm of the monster that ensures the same basic five percent of the population keep hold of the powers they always held. That isn't even in dispute yet we're expected to believe the cameras and the email snooping is for OUR benefit? Puh-leeeeese! So have a giggle but don't think that the subject's funny when all this leads to the man having TOTAL knowledge and total control over us plebs. Sinister stuff-and what's witrh those bloody chem trails?! WTF? I dismissed them as paranoid conspiracy nonsense but every morning there's more of 'em! Even when planes haven't been flying here in the UK! Seriously, they want to know everything we do but tell s sod all about what they do-ever. Why wouldn't we be a little para?
  • Vagrant - April 23, 2010 5:26 a.m.

  • zombiekiller18 - April 23, 2010 4:06 a.m.

    ZOMBIES EVERY WHERE HELP ME!!!!! thats what i would say or i would say if u wanna live follow me but i play and watch so many zombie stuff its become a problem that i think a zombie invasion is gonna happen and im writing a story right now with me and my friends in it i have such a prolem but zombies are a awesome though so if u like zombies add me as a friend.
  • BlackElement17 - April 23, 2010 12:57 a.m.

    This is why I don't leave my console plugged in.
  • Stabby_Joe - April 23, 2010 12:20 a.m.

    The biggest and most believed is reviewers are paid regularly by publishers. Obvious response in 3 2 1...
  • N3Chaos - April 22, 2010 11:57 p.m.

    "when someone tries to make fun of something but get their facts wrong, it says more about the person doing the article that the topic they 'mock'." Congratulations... you just basically said more about yourself and less about 'the topic you mock'
  • N3Chaos - April 22, 2010 11:55 p.m.

    @iamcare you're right, but then again, the Patriot acts refer to the United States, and the writer for this article is from GR UK... NOT over here in America. So why don't YOU get your facts straight before you go posting on an international website about American policies and methods?
  • iamcare - April 22, 2010 9:38 p.m.

    Yeah probably overdid it with the journalistic integrity thing given its a joke article. My bad But no I'm not joking, and I hope your not going to ridicule before you actually read the publically available legislation passed under the Patriot acts that allow for all available methods of modern technology. Mobile phones and G-mail included, to be surveilled without warrant.
  • Cyberninja - April 22, 2010 9:38 p.m.

    @hardcore__gamer1990 they already have control their is nothing we can do i crap thier on to me nooooooo
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - April 22, 2010 8:45 p.m.

    I wonder if we can fuck with their heads a little...
  • DaBadGuy - April 22, 2010 8:20 p.m.

    Oh goddamit, now I gotta get a fifth padlock for my door. Oh shit, I'm connected to the internet RIGHT NOW, I better just get the scissors and cut thezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
  • frmonth - April 22, 2010 7:30 p.m.

    I hope iamcare was joking (some times its hard to convey on the internet).
  • wastedspace - April 22, 2010 7:25 p.m.

    @iamcare 8/10, a valiant effort on a highly under-trolled and unprepared sector of the internet, though you went a tiny bit too far with the "journalistic credibility" line.
  • Jordo141 - April 22, 2010 7:22 p.m.

    Heh heh.... Territorial Pissings refrence....

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