Guys are always doing stupid things to get their dream girls' attention, but no one can boast more than the ambiguous hero of The Rub Rabbits!. His love-stricken chase for affection spreads across 35 short and sweet minigames, each involving an outrageous, often sexually-charged scenario. He's a man willing to fight off clanky, robotic bears, wade through swift moving rivers loaded with mutant alligators and climb frozen mountaintops for nothing more than a kiss from his silhouetted hottie.
The games are completely mad, like running past angry sumo wrestlers on runaway escalators, but employ simple ideas that anyone, gamer or no, can get right away. Tap the hero to make him run, slide the stylus left or right to juke in that direction, that kind of stuff. But it's not just the stylus that gets a workout; you'll be touching, rubbing and blowing (as in air, sicko) on the DS, putting every feature to socially awkward use. One of the most sensual games, luring her in with the tempting scent of a rose, actually makes you hold the DS sideways to get a long, oh-hell-yes image of her on all fours, stretched across the two screens.
So it's dead sexy and a trophy of instant gratification, but how long can such an intense fling last? Sadly, as it turns out, not much beyond the first trip. A few of the games show up more than once, which is a big no-no, and most of the other ideas come straight from 2004's prequel, Feel the Magic XY/XX. You may be flipping the DS in all kinds of compromising positions, but that doesn't hide how familiar the games feel.
There are ways to prolong the magic aside from the main game. There's an avalanche of hairstyles, dresses and footwear to slap on your girlfriend if you're down with playing dress up (or want to sculpt her in your own fetish garb), plus a basic way to create your own designs and trade them through Wi-Fi. Up to four people can jump into some wireless multiplayer action with just one card, but the lightning-quick nature of the solo game doesn't translate so hot to a versus match. The Baby Making mode is the pinnacle of insanity: two people test their compatibility by entering personal info and cutting a giant wedding cake, after which a baby materializes on the table. Too unsettling for words.
It's the biggest acid-trip video game you can find on the DS, but you've got to come down some time. Once you do, the desire to keep playing quickly fades away. These Rabbits make an amazing fling, but you won't want to buy them breakfast.