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Recycled characters you see in every BioWare game

The Useless Mentor

Examples: Duncan (Dragon Age: Origins), David Anderson (Mass Effect), Jolee Bindo (KOTOR)

The Useless Mentor embodies both experience and wisdom. Despite being a geriatric fart, this guy could easily kick your ass and still make it home in time for M*A*S*H. Sure, it would be nice if he’d accompany the team and provide sage advice on your mission/quest/romantic pursuits, but he’s just getting too old for this shit. That, or some inexplicable series of events will cause him to die before he can actually do anything profound.


The Recalcitrant Shrew

Examples: Jack (Mass Effect 2), Silk Fox (Jade Empire), Morrigan (Dragon Age: Origins)

Looking for a needlessly combative female party member? Well, look no further than the Recalcitrant Shrew. This girl produces a perpetual miasma of daddy issues; however, she also wears the least amount of clothing and is always an option for player romance. While she may second-guess every decision you make and laugh at what a pathetic simpleton you are, as sure as the sun rises in the east, she’ll eventually divulge her Big Secret as to why she’s been such an inveterate bitch the whole time.


The Kickass Robot

Examples: HK-47 (KOTOR), Legion (Mass Effect 2), Shale (Dragon Age: Origins)

You’re a stupid, pathetic sack of meat and this guy is going to frequently remind you of that. And you’ll love him for it. With every malicious insult and pretentious remark, you’ll fall more and more in love with your little Terminator buddy. On a side note, yes, we know Shale isn’t technically a robot, but she’s a freakin’ rock golem that’s powered by magic and that counts for something.

May 3, 2011

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65 comments

  • BraveDave - May 3, 2011 9:09 p.m.

    Great article, it's true, Bioware really does like to keep the same ideas going over and over again. This can be traced all the way back to Baldur's Gate really. Ah, but Jolee was far from useless! I found him to to be the most versatile Jedi NPC in the whole game. And his sense of humor was well appreciated. :)
  • Gameguy94 - May 3, 2011 9:18 p.m.

    Cracked.com did a similar article, but both are equally entertaining.
  • Scoob - May 3, 2011 9:20 p.m.

    I'll take this line up of typical characters over the spunky wild haired teenagers that save the world that populates JRPGs.
  • Yaro - May 3, 2011 9:25 p.m.

    It's funny because it's true. I laughed so hard at the grey sludge entry. Couldn't agree more.
  • Bloodstorm - May 3, 2011 9:28 p.m.

    I'll give you most of it, but Thane was never a honor-bound psychotic. Honor-bound, yes, psychotic, no.
  • sleepyMexican45 - May 3, 2011 9:32 p.m.

    @Scoob - Yeh totally. Think about EVERY Bioware adventure game/RPG, then look at ALMOST THE ENTIRE BACK-CATOLOGUE OF WANK JRPGs. Mass Effect 3 will RULE.
  • Cosmis - May 3, 2011 9:33 p.m.

    I don't know if I'd classify Mission as naive, and I don't know if I'd say Jolee was useless. Good article all the same, though.
  • kyle94 - May 3, 2011 9:48 p.m.

    Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't call Mission Vao a hottie. At most a cutie. Primarily because in KOTOR, she's 14...
  • Redeater - May 3, 2011 9:53 p.m.

    Why the fuck haven't they made a sequel to Jade Empire?? Unless they are to busy crapping out another Dragon Age Sequel.
  • loladi - May 3, 2011 9:57 p.m.

    nice article, needed a little more Carth, though. http://lovelyentropy.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/carth.jpg
  • Foerster - May 3, 2011 9:59 p.m.

    You notice the irony in basicly recycling a Cracked article about recycled characters? But yes, there are some character archetypes that Bioware loves to use. But it works in my opinion, as they add a new twist every time.
  • Letter11 - May 3, 2011 10:15 p.m.

    Heh, the Useless Mentor part made me think of Detective Murtaugh, that's what you were going for right? "I'm gettin' too old for this shit!"
  • inSovietRussiaDatesRecallBrettElston - May 3, 2011 10:35 p.m.

    kinda surprised not to see any mention of sonic: dark brotherhood characters considering that they fit into some of the archetypes that this article creates
  • n00b - May 3, 2011 10:38 p.m.

    hey guys!!! before you know it wrpgs will be stale morality systems are overrated Junction System FTW //ends ambiguous sarcasm
  • TheBear - May 3, 2011 11:19 p.m.

    Why wasn't Tali in the Awkward Hottie group? She fits way better than Liara. She became an information broker which probably requires some social skills.
  • Dreadnought - May 3, 2011 11:30 p.m.

    golem, robot, same thing. golems are just like ancient robots.
  • blitzpoisonpunk - May 3, 2011 11:31 p.m.

    So what you're saying is.......Bioware stick to a popular formula?! QUICK! Someone warn Shakespeare!
  • BladedFalcon - May 4, 2011 12:03 a.m.

    Uh... Now sure Thane Can be Compared to Sten or Sagacious Zu in any way. Sure, he has a moral code, but unlike the other two he DOES have a sense of humor, and more personality to boot. But the one that makes me scratch my head the most is the last one... Agreed,HK-47 and Shale have a similar attitude, specially displaying their disdain for humans, but Legion does not show this at all, heck, if anything, he treats humans with a bit of reverence at best, or indifference at worst, but never disdain.He never dishes any insults either and I don;t remember being it pretentious or even showing a clear joy for killing as the other two. Those kinds of trios make me wonder if you guys found only two of a kind, and tried to pair them up with someone who just happens to share the profession/Race, but isn't really the same.
  • Yeager1122 - May 4, 2011 12:15 a.m.

    Hey at least you get to kill kaiden boring bastard that he was easiest descion i ever made.
  • Tehk2 - May 4, 2011 12:19 a.m.

    Can someone explain to me why this article lifts huge chunks from an incredibly similar (and by incredibly similar, I mean almost virtually identical in FAR too many sections to be a coincidence) to a Cracked.com that was written months ago? http://www.cracked.com/funny-3872-bioware/ Correct me if I'm wrong, but this looks a helluva lot like plagiarism.

Showing 1-20 of 65 comments

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