Real activities that never should've become games

Perform dull, laborious tasks to fill your humdrum meter and unlock new, even more boring levels

Deadliest Catchis actually a great show.Grizzled ocean-fearers brave some of the harshest ocean conditions in the world to bring home buckets of crawling, clawed gold – the crew members on Alaskan crab fishing boats stand to make upwards of $30K each (in just over a week, often)with some luck. Without luck, there’s a fair chance that the last thing they’ll breathe in will be amouthful of frigid sea water.


Above: "Gameplay"

Exciting, right? So the game, Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm should be too… shouldn’t it? I guess if you like gathering provisions, hiring crew members, plotting courses, dropping baited traps, managing time, and looking at menus. Maybe they’ll make an add-on that includes pining for women.

I'm not doubting that Cesar Millan is a brilliant dog trainer. And Nintendogs sold well, right? So hey guys, oh my god, I have such a good idea... let's make a game based onDog Whisperer! Yeah, 'cus... money, right?


Above: Calling this separation anxiety simulator a "game" is tenuous

“Is your green thumb fast enough to survive and make Granny's Garden Dreams come true?” – Promo copy for PC game Garden Dreams.

Well, is it? Can you handle these... tomatoes? Bitch? Granny don't mess around, and you best be checking thatsoil's PHbalance, greenhorn. Oh shit, those snails better not be getting all up onGranny's leafy greens! Come on shitface,pick up those worthless thumbs of yours and start hoeing Granny's Garden with gusto!


Above: Go Granny, go!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Associate Editor, Digital at PC Gamer

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