11 questions we've always had about Gears of War

Quick! Saw someone in half!

Revive me!

Gears of War never had the most complicated of plots (until the last chapter of the third game, at least). Instead, it was about the characters; the Gears of the COG army, dedicated to eliminating the Locust Horde one grub at a time.

But just because it doesn't have an incredibly in-depth story doesn't mean we don't have questions about it. On the contrary--because so much is left unexplained, there's plenty of stuff we've always wondered about the universe. With Gears of War: Judgment right around the corner, we thought it was a great time to get curious about the inner-working of the COG machine.

What is Sera's relationship with Earth?

Sera, the planet that Gears of War takes place on, isn't Earth. It has 26-hour days, features a totally different geography, and takes place somewhere far, far away from where you're currently reading this. But what are the odds of humans evolving to look and act identical on two different planets? We figure Sera features either futuristic or prehistoric humans, and either way we'd like to know.

How much does Gear's armor weigh?

The armor Gears of War's Gears wear looks nightmarish. It's massive, clunky, and looks like it weighs a ton. Literally, a ton. It's like someone stripped down a Panzer tank and reassembled it as a torture device, but then decided it'd be best served protecting soldiers from shrapnel. We've always wanted to know how much it actually weighs, just so we can better imagine the pain Gears must be in when they tumble around the battlefield.

Does their armor smell bad?

Speaking of Gears' armor, we can't help but wonder how bad it smells. We imagine they're caked with blood, sweat, guts, and fecal matter (from the bowels of the enemies they disembowel), creating an aroma we hope to never encounter ourselves. And yet, the characters never actually address that they're essentially carrying sewage treatment plants around on their backs. Why? Does it somehow not smell, or is it so pungent that they simply have lost that sense?

Who built all those chest-high walls?

Anywhere Gears go, there's a chest-high wall to hide behind. Run outside? Chest-high walls. Go inside? Chest-high walls. It's too convenient, and we're curious as to who spent the last fifty years building these seemingly useless constructs of architectural absurdity. The easy answer is "they're leftovers from the Pendulum Wars," but that still doesn't address the fact that they had to have been built by someone.

How much can Marcus bench?

This isn't really all that important, but we still want to know. The guy's a tank--his neck is as thick as a tree trunk, and he looks like he must be 400 pounds of muscle. How much could he bench? Does he even bench?

How many people are still alive at the end of Gears of War 3?

There can't be many, right? The last of the actual cities has been destroyed outright--it's GONE--and the Stranded numbers are dwindling. Gears have been decimated by years of war (our proposed title for a Gears of War, for those wondering), so unless there's a secret cache of humans somewhere on Sera, we're struggling to see how there are more than a few thousand people left.

Where do they get the gas for the Lancers?

Humanity is still energy-reliant in Gears of War, with several references to finding "gas" or filling up cars or trucks. It's also been through a century of war, and since war is expensive, it's safe to say that mankind has run through a significant amount of said energy. And yet, someone thought it was a good idea to replace standard Lancers (which included a large bayonet) with chainsaw lancers. Good for gameplay, bad for the environment. Where do they get gas for the Lancers, and when do they gas up?

How does Jack keep up with the Gears?

Whenever a locked or blocked door needs opening, it's Damon Baird that can do the trick. Unless he can't, in which case a floating, invisible deus ex machina named Jack shows up to do the job. Jack is a robot that follows the Gears around and literally appears when he's needed, but how does he keep up? The Gears are running through hallways, jumping off rooftops, and doing all sorts of crazy stuff. How does that lil' guy keep up?

Why do people walk slowly while talking on radio?

The best way to kill a Gear? Call them right before you attack. Whenever Marcus, Cole, Baird, or Dom get contacted on the radio they slow to a crawl, walking at an excruciatingly slow pace with one hand on their ear. Is this some sort of futuristic problem? Have humans evolved to the point where they can't walk and have a phone conversation at the same time?

Why is the Locust Queen a human?

The Locust Queen isn't a Locust. That's weird. That's... really weird. We expected this to be explained in Gears of War 3, but it was never actually addressed entirely--the only information we can find about this comes from forum posts that claim to have gotten confirmation from the series' writers, but we're hesitant to call that canon. Some have speculated that the Queen Myrrah was Marcus' mother, but Epic's Cliff Bleszinski was quick to deny this rumor. So, what's up? At a San Diego Comic Con panel in 2012, Bleszinski said that he knows the answer, but he'll take it to his grave to troll us. Wonderful.

And where are the Locust women?

So, where are they? The closest thing to a woman we've seen from the Locust was Queen Myrrah, but she's not actually a Locust. There's some speculation that Berserker's can mate with Drones, but we don't know (or, really, want to know) how that works. Do they sprout out of the ground like Lord of the Rings' orcs, or is there a giant grub that shoots them out? We need to know. We need to!

Why is Baird so awesome?

And if you're looking for more questions that we don't have answers to, check out questions we've always had about the Mario universe and questions we have about Zelda.