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Being the internet connoisseurs that we are, we stumbled upon a highly amusing article that pondered the deadly serious question of what superheroes would do if they were assholes. After we’d successfully boarded the roflcopter, we knocked up our own version starring game heroes abusing their skills. So if you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Solid Snake used his powers of super sneakery for evil, you’ve come to the right place…

Like comic books and movies, videogames tend to present an exaggerated representation of men and women. Dudes are typically muscle-bound meatheads with powerful jaw lines and a thorough understanding of all forms of combat, while women generally have back-breaking chests and dress like strippers regardless of their profession.

Numbers. Man, there must be millions of ‘em. Seems like every other game on the shelf has a number in it. Boy, I bet you could count to a hundred using just videogame titles and related items. Let’s see if I’m right.

To celebrate Independence Day (the holiday, not the movie), we’ve scoured our encyclopedic minds for the most patriotic games to be developed. But that wasn’t funny enough. So, we dug deeper to find the most rabidly patriotic games every developed. Ya know - the ones with so much love for Old Glory that it starts to get a little ridiculous. Behold - our results!

America's ArmyUS Army | 2002Any game can add the word

Scope dis: Videogames and hip hop “came up” together. Both art forms hail from the late 70’s. Both struggled for mainstream acceptance throughout the 80’s. Both achieved success in the 90’s, to finally become the staple of pop culture we now enjoy every day. Given their synchronistic upbringing it’s no surprise that we’ve seen more than a little overlap.

Sequels are sure to be the focus of this year's E3, and we couldn't be more excited. But what about the neglected games and franchises that deserve another entry? Unlikely though they may be, if these sequels were miraculously announced this week, we'd thank our lucky stars...

E3 2009 was a monster. A huge, massive, face-eating beerdemon that erased the agonizing memory of 2008’s meager, emaciated E3 from our minds with a flood of great-looking games, earth-shattering announcements, and a few quizzical oddities we never want to speak of again. After this, we mean, because some things are so good, bad, or just bewildering that you just have to tell people about them.

Once a videogame hero has more than one or two adventures under his or her belt, it simply isn’t enough to just have an archenemy anymore. To keep things interesting, they need a foil, a rival, or some other angry opposite number obsessed with matching wits with them. Sometimes, those characters stick around long enough to make themselves an indelible part of the series, even going so far as to make friends with the protagonist – although more often than not, their friendships tend to be shaky at best, and even those involved might never fully admit to them. Relationships like that tend to make for gaming’s most enduring and interesting rivalries, and what follows are some of the most notable...

This month's Breaking Bad cliffhanger has us all hungry for illicit thrills. Sure, that's not a videogame (though it's inspired a couple), but with narcotics subplots in titles like Sleeping Dogs and Borderlands 2, controlled substances are all over contemporary games. Then again, you've probably been gettin' that yellowtop in-game for years without even realizing it, thanks to the well-hidden drug metaphors we're about to expose...