PSP Features

Ever wondered what it would be like to have video game characters in your Pokemon party? Why choose boring old Bulbasaur when you can choose a beautiful Kasumi? Or a level 50 Sackboy?

We've given 21 game characters the Pokemon treatment, with four moves to choose from and some evolutionary states too.

Who would you choose?

We’re big fans of dicking around, so when someone suggested that we attempt to reproduce a classic sitcom in Half-Life 2’s Garry’s Mod, we cited the “why the hell not” clause of our operating procedures and immediately began violating ragdolls. While our interpretation of the greatest nihilist sitcom ever may not win us any awards at machinima festivals, it can at least inspire some ironic

Yes, your boss is evil. The fritzy coffee machine and the copier are evil. The guy in your department who says, “long lunch today?” is pure evil. There’s probably a sub-cavern in hell with extra bubbly lava reserved for people who say “taskforce,” “mindshare,” “workflow,” “ping,” “team player,” “value add” or “pro-active.”

3D games, as a rule, don’t age well. The games of the last couple console generations might have been awesome for their time, but take a look at them now and it’s hard to see them as anything other than jaggy abortions in which cardboard rectangles masquerade as limbs. And as if that weren’t embarrassing enough, most of those games contain female characters who, in their day, were genuinely considered sexy.

Normally, we’ve got no problem with video game villians. Sure, they nick our bustiest wenches, salute digital democracy with a middle finger, and are inconsiderate enough to make us waste valuable bullets shooting them during a recession. Thing is, they’re always upfront about being assholes, which makes the shit they pull almost endearingly evil. What really gets on our teets, though, are those deceitful dastards who pretend to

“Is that your profession or pleasure?” Well, when it comes to jobs in games, it’s usually both. Y’see, your average gaming hero’s nine-to-five is a never-ending stream of employed excitement. Acrobatic plumbers who frolic in magical fantasy kingdoms. Archaeologists with pornstar bodies who can dual wield pistols like everyone’s favourite slaphead assassin. And suspiciously buff scientists who routinely save the human race with nothing but a crowbar. They all enjoy incredible careers we mere mortals could only dream of. Of course, if their jobs were a little more true to life, Mario would probably do himself in when he faced his first backed-up toilet… 

For some, it may be a shock to learn that there are actually female gamers out there. More shocking yet may be the realization that some female gamers are gay. If you haven’t gone into apoplectic seizures yet, you may be interested to know that some gay female gamers enjoy illustrations of their favorite characters in compromising situations. Enter lesbiangamers.com with their Lesbian Trysts series, wherein two iconic game babes get

Next week, we’ll know. Next week, the Electronic Entertainment Expo will begin and nearly every major publisher and developer will reveal their secrets. Next week, we’ll know which rumors were true and which games actually exist. After next week, the future will be (somewhat) clear. Seriously, though, where’s the fun in that? We prefer this week, when the mystery still remains and our imaginations can still roam wild.