Clive Barker's Undying is overall a pretty frightening game, pitting players against a wide array of cultists, monsters and undead horrors in suitably creepy ruins, crypts and English moors. But there are few things that can make you feel more comfortable with the idea of facing down horrific beasts than having a big, powerful weapon that roars and obliterates anything stupid enough to stand in front of you. That goes double if it's magic, and Undying gives you a big, powerful, magic gun tipped with a roaring golden dragon head – called the Tibetan War Cannon, no less - so close to the beginning of the game that we still wonder if it was left lying around by mistake.

Above: BLIZZAM, BITCHES!

How are you supposed to be afraid of monsters when you've got a roaring, ice-breathing dragon head sticking out of your crotch? Anything that so much as pokes you with a stray tentacle is going to be dust. Your ice-crotch will kill it dead.




Just what the hell is this supposed to be?

No, seriously, what is it? An aborted dinosaur fetus? A restless chicken spirit, out to take revenge for countless pot pies? It doesn’t really even attack, so much as threaten to rub itself against us in a really gross way. And thinking about how its skin must feel gives us the heebie-jeebies, but they’re more the kind of heebie-jeebies that make us want to wash our hands.

Are we supposed to be afraid of it? We don't know, we're asking you.