… is a terrible idea for a game. However, our ironic love of kitsch nevertheless demands that it exist.

Potential roster – Universal Press Syndicate: Farley (For Better or For Worse), Cuco (La Cucaracha), Bill the Cat (Bloom County), Andy Capp, Modesty Blaise, Uncle Duke (Doonesbury), Cathy, Jason Fox (Foxtrot), Huey and Riley Freeman (Boondocks), Spaceman Spiff and Hobbes (Calvin and Hobbes), Garfield, God-Man (Tom the Dancing Bug), Ziggy.

Potential roster – Darkstalkers: Anakaris, BB Hood, Bishamon, Demitri, Donovan, Felicia, Hsien-Ko, Jedah, Lillith, Morrigan, Rikuo, Sasquatch, John Talbain, Victor, Lord Raptor.

Why it would work: I’m sorry, “work?”

Potential roster - America's Best Comics: Captain Nemo, Alan Quatermain, Edward Hyde, Mina Murray and Hawley Griffin (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen); Tom Strong, Paul Saveen and Tom Strange (Tom Strong/Terra Obscura); Jeff Smax and King Peacock (Top 10), Greyshirt (Tomorrow Stories), Tesla Strong (Tom Strong), Jonni Future (Tom Strong), Promethea; Splash Brannigan, First American, Cobweb and Jack B. Quick (Tomorrow Stories).

Potential roster – Toshinden: Sho Shinjo, Rungo Iron, Nagisa, Eiji Shinjo, Mondo, Chaos, David, Vermillion, Duke B. Rambert, Kayin Amoh, Tracy, Miss Til, Naru Amoh, Subaru Shinjo, Sofia, Judgment, Cuiling, Ellis.

Why it would work: After a lengthy, nearly two-console-generation absence, Battle Arena Toshinden - the series that launched alongside the PSone and pioneered weapons-based fighting in a 3D space - is finally going to rise from the dead. On the Wii. Oh come on. Not that we’re saying it can’t or won’t be good – we haven’t even seen it yet, of course - but the thought of one of the earliest 3D fighting franchises resurfacing with waggle controls does not fill us with confidence. No, Toshinden needs a proper resurrection. One that pits it against characters created by legendary Watchmen scribe Alan Moore.

Much as we’d like to see characters like Vermillion, Kayin and Sofia resurface, we’d like it even more if they were pitted against heavyweights from America’s Best and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Granted, the balance of power is a little off; could a fireball-flinging swordsman like Eiji Shinjo actually hope to stand up to an impulse-murdering force of nature like Edward Hyde, or an invincible half-ogre cop like Jeff Smax? Probably not, but that logic never stopped Street Fighter’s Ryu from kicking the asses of Wolverine, Magneto or any other given character in Marvel vs Capcom.

Potential roster – Image:  Hip Flask, Badrock (Youngblood), The Darkness, The Maxx, The Savage Dragon, Shadowhawk, Spawn, Madman, Witchblade, Abbey Chase (Danger Girl), Grifter (WildC.A.T.S.), Angela (Spawn) Invincible and Atom Eve (Invincible), Grunge (Gen13), Zealot (WildC.A.T.S.), Ripclaw, Freefall (Gen13), Violator (Spawn), Fairchild (Gen13), Officer Rick Grimes (The Walking Dead).

Potential roster – Guilty Gear: Dr. Faust, Ky Kiske, Potemkin, Johnny, Venom, I-No, Axl Low, Baiken, Testament, Zappa, Jam, Dizzy, Millia Rage, Chipp Zanuff, Anji Mito, Slayer, Kliff Undersn, Sol Badguy, May, Bridget.

Why it would work: Founded by illustrators, Image’s comics have always been recognized for really cool-looking art - much in the same way that Guilty Gear has. Pretty exteriors aside, though, you’ve got a broad range of superpowered oddballs that could step into the ring and tear each other apart without it being really weird or unbalanced. In fact, unlike most of the mashups on this list, Guilty Gear vs Image is the only one that wouldn’t require huge leaps in logic or a couple of harmless characters suddenly becoming violent.

In fact, it’d hardly be recognizable as a mashup at all. Huge characters like Badrock and Hip Flask would fit right in with the Guilty Gear crowd, who by now are used to fighting screen-fillingly ginormous monstrosities. And that’s to say nothing of angsty supernatural anti-heroes like The Darkness and Spawn, who’d mesh so well with freaks like Zappa and Testament that they might actually risk getting lost in the shuffle. Hell, this one makes too much sense not to happen. Image? Arc System Works? Are you paying attention?

Aw, c’mon. Please?

Nov 26, 2008