E3 2009 is alive and kicking, and T-Dar is bringing you the first of many updates from the show floor. Up first is a look at Batman: Arkham Asylum, Just Cause 2, Aliens vs Predator, Microsoft’s Natal motion tech, the big three press conferences and oh so much more. ...

Cutscene after cutscene, they exhibit planet-shaking combat abilities and a level of indestructibility which would make God himself jealous. But as soon as you pick up the controller? The Incredible Hulk turns back into Bruce Banner and all of those showboating tricks and superhuman powers disappear into the ether.

Just why do game characters save their best tricks until we've already done all the hard work for them? Here are the worst offenders. ...

In the context of a game, Achievements and Trophies are harmless. They're just carrot-dangling tactics that we're happy to indulge for our greedy pursuit of intangible virtual rewards. We wouldn't think twice about nail-bombing a kitten orphanage if it meant five more gamer points.

But, let's say, purely for the purposes of this here article, that we take Achievements and Trophies out of their virtual world settings and reconsider them ...

Quote of the week: "I watched this dog, for two minutes, take a dump on its own balls" ...

When it comes to comedy, no other medium is quite as hit-or-miss as videogames. It’s rare to see a game that’s genuinely funny (on purpose, at least), and most of the games that try range from passably entertaining to insultingly awful. Chalk it up to games and humor being subjective art forms, one man’s culture being another man’s trash, et cetera. ...

Eat Lead: the Return of Matt Hazard is looking like being a solid third-person shooter. But what might elevate it above the crowd is its unique plot, which features homages to several videogame staples. And there's a fair few chuckles to be had ...

They actually got paid for that crap, you know ...