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Top 7... Cutesy Characters We Want to Beat the Crap Out of

Yeah, they're cute, but they're so damn annoying

Words: GamesRadar US

3. Jake, Advance Wars: Dual Strike / DS - (AKA “Peppy Youth,” “1337 Speak Guy,” or “That Annoying Bastard”)

Why:
Not only is there no point to this character’s existence besides a marginally cool theme song that warrants attention on YouTube; he’s also an insult to all that is Geek. Thanks to the cutesy art style of Advance Wars, Jake’s “peppy youth on the who inspires hope within the grim meat hook reality of war,” is redundant and totally ineffective because he's not that cute. And tacking on his quasi-1337 speak (“You got owned!”) is insult to injury and more than enough incentive to dream of driving a hammer into his skull as many times as it takes to make him somehow not annoying. 

How we’d do it:
Beat him with a copy of the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language until the little prick learns to talk right.


 
20 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
Coolbeans69  - 1 year 3 months ago 
lol! Funniest feature yet!
cricket0  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Those characters are kinda nessecary, but as the article says, extremly annoying!
Super_gamer73  - 1 year 24 days ago 
Navi is the most annoying. I like the suggestion for Navi removal.
ryno  - 1 year 15 days ago 
i want Navi's blood. er i mean ectoplasm or whatever shes got.
ryno  - 1 year 15 days ago 
your forgeting Issun from Okami. id feed him to my lizards or stick him in a microwave and turn it on
Cwf2008  - 11 months 29 days ago 
Hmm well i guess the Tinkerbell comparison keeps gamesradar from going too ballistic on Navi, but what i'd do is stick a grenade in wherever Navi talks from, tie it to a missle, set it on fire, and then fire it off a cliif.
Link5794  - 11 months 8 days ago 
What about Omochao from Sonic Heroes? In the tutorial, or the first level of Team Rose that I'm pretty sure people only play bcause they either aren't competent enough to do the higher difficulties or want to get to the final battle and unlock Team Metal Sonic, Omochao stops you so you have to listen to his shit. You could press A, but you stand still after he finishes. Omochao's dealy annoyingness is also demonstrated in the preloader for a Newgrounds anmation. ("Press the A Button to jump!" "Press the Power button to start!" "Use both of your legs to walk!" "Did you know that if you didn't press any buttons you wouldn't move?") Or that dog from Duck Hunt. He laughs at you and you can't shoot him.
Bri77777  - 11 months 6 days ago 
Damn you!. Show the eye gouging!
pjbuhl  - 9 months 29 days ago 
what about the begger lady from assasin's creed she always messes up my missions =/
NullG7  - 8 months 6 days ago 
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Just a little taste from anyone who hasent played Ocarina of time, Oh wait there is more!!!
UsernameAlreadyInUse  - 8 months 4 days ago 
HEY!!!! oh wait you already knew what i was going to say because ive said it 100,000,000,000,000,000,000... times? Oh ill stop....HEY!!! Oh ya...HEYEHEYEHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY......BOOM HEADSHOT!! What i have always thot the WHOLE TIME
Bov11  - 8 months 2 days ago 
whatserface from King Kong.
melloe  - 7 months 9 days ago 
HAHA I love Pikachu's cheap-ass lightning attacks in Super Smash Bros
Mr.Epic64  - 4 months 17 days ago 
Zelda, you save her in almost every game, but has Link got layed yet? NO.
Pantosniper  - 4 months 9 days ago 
I'd love to beat Tails with a rusty pipe wrench then shove him into a wood chipper then shove what's left of him up a monkey's butt then set the monkey on fire, then throw the ashes off a cliff.
MoonPig  - 2 months 28 days ago 
first, id remove Butz's toinails 1 by 1 with a pair of pliers, then id stick needles in the soft flesh underneath, then id hook them up to a car battery and light his eyelashes on fire and THEN id get NASTY!

also, make Navi die please
MassEffectfan  - 2 months 28 days ago 
all i have to say is damn
evileasterbunny666  - 2 months 28 days ago 
yes yes...... eat that navi REAL good. Look! That frog's tounge getting closer!!!
rangermaster240  - 28 days 4 hours ago 
Why is it that i have ALWAYS wanted to just make a zelda game with microphone ability and just yell at navi, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! I KNOW THAT THE CLOUD OVER DEATH MOUNTAIN IS WEIRD!!!! JUST DIE!!!!"
FanofSaiyan  - 2 days 6 hours ago 
The ultimate culmination of eye-poppingly cute and sadistic mayhem you'll ever find in this website.
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