Mixed Messages



Somehow the idea has permeated the gaming industry that the current glut of mainstream-casual Nintendo “gamers” will buy shit on a stick if you slap a big red N on it and scream FUUUUN!!! in their disgusting faces. Which of these well-groomed, overachieving go-getters are YOU?


Above: We’re the kooky blonde, with a secret thing for the Jade Raymond look-alike

Seriously, this game is meant to be played with a piece of paper and a pencil, two of the most common items in existence. Making it into DSi Ware actually makes it LESS FUN, guaranteed. If you spend 500 points on this game, a piece of your soul dies forever.


Above: Not pictured: gaping hole formerly inhabited by soul

Hearts of Iron III - France and Diplomacy gameplay



In 1984, the fastest supercomputer in Eastern Europe was put to the task of calculating precisely how many shades of gray it would take to destroy a man’s mind, in hopes of developing a psychological warfare campaign that would bring the decadent West crashing to its knees. Though the results came too late to be of use as Cold War propaganda, enterprising game developers have mined this data to create the upcoming spreadsheet-porn Hearts of Iron III. You can quit fapping to Excel this fall. 


Above: Who needs ass-rattling airstrikes when you have the devastating power of graphs and charts at your fingertips? 

Miami Law – trailer - DS



OK, for starters you should probably put your marquee text in front of  your background element, you know, so people can read it. From the bargain-basement techno loop to the lazy character stereotypes, this trailer bears all the hallmarks of an utterly forgettable experience.

Apr 16, 2009