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Eternal Sonata


30 rules every RPG must follow

The perfect storyline outlined and spoiled

Words: Paul Ryan, GamesRadar US

Here’s a quick checklist of what you should have: airship, completed paternal research, ancient artifact for destroying evil and epic armor/sword (found in a random chest along the way).

Once you have all these things, you’re ready to make your final assault and…


This darkworld or “underworld” is where you go to repeat steps one through twenty-eight one more time before the game ends. The new world will be similar to the regular world, but nobody in them wears bright colors and castles have all been built as mirror images of their regular counterparts.


Above: This is not the darkworld, but it looks like this. We just turned the regular world gray

Good, you've repeated everything and now, seriously, it's time to do battle with some ultimate evil in the Ultimate RPG. Get in your airship, plot a course for the Flying Fortress and, wait… what's this? A cutscene where you…


You met her in the first hour of the game, and it only took about 18/19ths of the game, but you’ve finally made your move. Way to go champ! Don't think for a second that her likely impending death played any role in this newfound passion whatsoever.

Head into the fortress and engage the embodiment of evil in physical combat. With all your experience it will be an awesome contest of button selection, but you can always reload right outside the room and try again. As you strike the final blow, you've finally defeated the villain, but somehow, he's still alive…


Fight him again. Don't fall for that second one – it's a trick. Alright kill him one last time. Congratulations! You can now say that you’ve beaten every role-playing game ever.

Mar 3, 2009


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77 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
that guy  - 8 months 27 days ago 
ha!!!!

first

good article
skyguy343  - 8 months 27 days ago 
god i love this site, great article
Cyberninja  - 8 months 27 days ago 
second great article
RonnyLive19881  - 8 months 27 days ago 
You just spoiled every RPG I have never played! HOW DARE YOU!
Fishow753  - 8 months 27 days ago 
Another Paul Ryan classic.
GamesRadarCharlieBarratt  - 8 months 27 days ago 
That beer picture is so creepy.
animeman  - 8 months 27 days ago 
That would be the best game ever in history of all time.
Tasty_Pasta  - 8 months 27 days ago 
Ha, that was awesome!

1, 7, 8, 15, 23, and 30 are especially true.
jamminontha1n2  - 8 months 27 days ago 
I'm just wondering how long it took him to come up with this list. It's spot on. Great article
Cyberninja  - 8 months 27 days ago 
I will tell bioware to make this as soon as possiable

reCAPTCHA: Dessaur tonians
Corsair89  - 8 months 27 days ago 
haha, yeah. I've played tons of RPGs and they all follow these rules, especially RPGs by Square Enix.

You forgot something: sometime along the way, one of your most important allies WILL die. Whether an NPC or party member, someone important to you will die.
LionheartAce  - 8 months 27 days ago 
ULTROS!!! That son of a bitch.
Thequestion 121  - 8 months 27 days ago 
Awesome. Now I know how to beat every RPG ever!! Thanks GR!!!
GamesRadarTylerWilde  - 8 months 27 days ago 
Oh Paul Ryan, when will you stop hating RPGs?
legory  - 8 months 27 days ago 
Ahah, this is awesome. You rock Paul.
candyman  - 8 months 27 days ago 
This sounds a lot like an old game I played once.
s3ct10n8  - 8 months 27 days ago 
I think that names that are impossible to pronounce should be on this list (for most new RPG's anyway)

Like star wars, elder scrolls, mass effect, ect.
legory  - 8 months 27 days ago 
@ candyman

It sounds like Chrono Trigger, 'cause that's the one he's using as a reference.
xFnKxTaLeNtx  - 8 months 27 days ago 
Don't know what to say other than it was a good read. It made no sense at all, but still wanted me to finish the article... Weird
Predator428  - 8 months 27 days ago 
Good thing Bioware doesn't follow this formula.
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