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Eternal Sonata


30 rules every RPG must follow

The perfect storyline outlined and spoiled

Words: Paul Ryan, GamesRadar US

 

With your hometown destroyed there will be no more odd jobs to do for the locals, so it’s time to head to the next village and see what work you can do for there.

By now you should have met at least a couple people who share your inclination to walk around doing quests for people, and one of them will direct you to a nearby port city. From there you’ll hear about the oracle, seer, wiseman or whoever in the city far across the ocean. When you get in a boat…


The first time you have to go anywhere by boat, you’re going to be attacked by a sea monster. It’ll be large enough to simply sink your boat, but being a sporting sort of monster, the giant calamari will literally be fighting just you, not the ship. It’ll let you stand on the deck and fight in formation instead of just smashing the mast and leaving you stranded.


Above: It’s just a raft, purple octopus man 

Remember, it’s vulnerable to fire because of the “living in the water” thing, and you’ll be fine. Until…


It will look like all your friends died, but they didn't. They’ll turn up later. Some will have amnesia, but you can fight them until they remember who you are.


Above: A traditional role-playing amnesia cure 

On the other side of the ocean, you’ll eventually find a large city with strange customs and the next tier of weapons available at the weapon store. To find out what to do next…


These kinds of places always know what to do, despite having never met you before and having no idea who you are.

Unfortunately, you’ll have to do some work before the temple guards will grant you access. They always have a nearby shrine that they’ll send you to go investigate before letting you in. Because the shrine is located outside of town, it should come as no surprise that it’s been infested with monsters. Use your adventuring skills to chop off their heads and report back to the temple to…


This reclusive lady is known only as the oracle because she’s older than everyone else, we think. She will tell you about one or both of the following…

 


Whether it’s the government or the church being the bad guys, your real problem is going to be an ancient evil from, like, at least 1,000 years ago. It’s been sealed away but recently found a way to manipulate some high-ranking officials who are in the process of reviving it.

Above: An example of ancient evil 

 


They were called “The Ancients.” This highly advanced race had just about everything figured out and left crumbs of technology scattered through the world for you to uncover. They would be happy to defeat the evil themselves, but unfortunately for them, they mysteriously disappeared about untold ages ago. Nowadays, very few people even realize they ever existed.


Above: Ancient evil or The Ancients technology? It works either way!

There’s only one sure method of defeating ancient evil that can also reveal the past of a long-forgotten super race, and that’s to head into the frozen north. The Northern Northlands are always where they keep the one object that you’ll absolutely need to defeat the dark lord and it’s an artifact left behind by the mysterious Ancients.


 
77 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
that guy  - 8 months 26 days ago 
ha!!!!

first

good article
skyguy343  - 8 months 26 days ago 
god i love this site, great article
Cyberninja  - 8 months 26 days ago 
second great article
RonnyLive19881  - 8 months 26 days ago 
You just spoiled every RPG I have never played! HOW DARE YOU!
Fishow753  - 8 months 26 days ago 
Another Paul Ryan classic.
GamesRadarCharlieBarratt  - 8 months 26 days ago 
That beer picture is so creepy.
animeman  - 8 months 26 days ago 
That would be the best game ever in history of all time.
Tasty_Pasta  - 8 months 26 days ago 
Ha, that was awesome!

1, 7, 8, 15, 23, and 30 are especially true.
jamminontha1n2  - 8 months 26 days ago 
I'm just wondering how long it took him to come up with this list. It's spot on. Great article
Cyberninja  - 8 months 26 days ago 
I will tell bioware to make this as soon as possiable

reCAPTCHA: Dessaur tonians
Corsair89  - 8 months 26 days ago 
haha, yeah. I've played tons of RPGs and they all follow these rules, especially RPGs by Square Enix.

You forgot something: sometime along the way, one of your most important allies WILL die. Whether an NPC or party member, someone important to you will die.
LionheartAce  - 8 months 26 days ago 
ULTROS!!! That son of a bitch.
Thequestion 121  - 8 months 26 days ago 
Awesome. Now I know how to beat every RPG ever!! Thanks GR!!!
GamesRadarTylerWilde  - 8 months 26 days ago 
Oh Paul Ryan, when will you stop hating RPGs?
legory  - 8 months 26 days ago 
Ahah, this is awesome. You rock Paul.
candyman  - 8 months 26 days ago 
This sounds a lot like an old game I played once.
s3ct10n8  - 8 months 26 days ago 
I think that names that are impossible to pronounce should be on this list (for most new RPG's anyway)

Like star wars, elder scrolls, mass effect, ect.
legory  - 8 months 26 days ago 
@ candyman

It sounds like Chrono Trigger, 'cause that's the one he's using as a reference.
xFnKxTaLeNtx  - 8 months 26 days ago 
Don't know what to say other than it was a good read. It made no sense at all, but still wanted me to finish the article... Weird
Predator428  - 8 months 26 days ago 
Good thing Bioware doesn't follow this formula.
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