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Army of Two

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Army of Two

Misery loves company

Words: Michael Gapper, Xbox World 360 UK

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We’re accustomed to being offended by bad games, but it’s not often we find ourselves objecting on a moral level. Not even Manhunt’s lead nutcase revels in murder to the extent of Army of Two’s infantile high-fiving redneck jackasses whose every action is based on some right-wing idea of how great the war on terror is. One minute, the game will throw in a bit of lefty politics (“We’ll never find Osama; this war is all about oil”) and the next you’re gunning down row after row of generic suicide bombers and facing religious fundamentalists who call you and your ‘bro’ “F***ing infidels” before blasting you with a grenade launcher.

As it stands, Army of Two is a juvenile swear-fest with clumsy controls, a story apparently penned by a seven year old who hates them ay-rabs, laughable level design that tosses you into a cut-scene every thirty seconds, sub Perfect Dark Zero graphics and the two least likable characters in gaming history. We’d rather play as a Bubsy the Bobcat/Raiden from Metal Gear Solid tag-team than these two douchebags. The delay is a stay of execution. It has four months to get even vaguely good. Hope for a miracle.