Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

Week of Hate 2011 officially begins today, giving us yet another opportunity to spew venom and whine like babies about the industry that we love the remaining 51 weeks of the year. And in keeping with past tradition, we’re trotting out some of gaming’s most beloved, venerable franchises this week for the sole purpose of picking apart their flaws and upsetting their fans. We’ll start with Metal Gear, a series that has spent roughly the past 10 years turning itself into one of the weirdest, most divisive, love-it-or-hate-it propositions in modern gaming...

Love’s a funny old thing, ain’t it? It inspires great works of art. It knows no boundaries, conquering race, creed and geography. And it totally forces you to fork out for cheap-ass chocolates on anniversaries. While love affairs can end a bit messily in real life, we’ve yet to see a couple with romantic woes commit international espionage or murderise a series of skyscraper-sized monsters for each other. But in video games? Hell, its normal practice for digital Cupid’s arrows. So, in the spirit of being a week late for Valentine’s Day, we thought it was high time to celebrate some of gaming’s most ruinous romances.

Ten years ago today, Sony released what would go on to become the world’s best selling game console. With 140 million units in people’s homes and games released to this very day, it’s lived the longest and healthiest life of any games machine we can think of. But what made it such an unparalleled success? How did Sony leave all its competitors in the dust when so many of that generation’s biggest hits were multiplatform releases?

We can answer that, of course. But in doing so we also trumpet how truly amazing the system was, which makes this the perfect article to celebrate the most well-rounded console of all time...

With a storyline so baffling even Kojima doesn’t understand it, it’s only prudent we set straight the events leading to Metal Gear Solid: Rising. Be prepared for detail so utter, it may cause brainlock. Here is the complete timeline, including events not occurring directly in any of the games...

After the mixed reactions to Metal Gear Solid 2, MGS creator Hideo Kojima and his development crew decided to that the follow-up would be a more traditional prequel that starred a Snake, which was very preferable to a Raiden. But the team still took risks, with Metal Gear Solid 3’s Cold War-era espionage and the addition of a continually decreasing stamina gauge. The setting gave it a ‘60s vibe and the stamina meant Snake needed to be eating throughout the game. But how do you express those aspects in one succinct opening? With the song Snake Eater composed by Norihiko Hibino and sung by Cynthia Harrell...

Sony seems to be on something of an HD remake kick lately. This week finally brought us long-awaited confirmation that the Ico and Shadow of the Colossus Collection will head our way sometime next year; with last year’s God of War Collection and the upcoming Sly Collection, that brings to three the number of classic PS2 series Sony’s retrofitting with 1080p visuals and Trophies, before re-releasing as budget-priced PS3 games.

This is a trend we can really get behind; as much as we love our old PS2 games, we can barely stand to look at them anymore. Give them a makeover so they don’t look crap on our new TVs, though, and we’re all over them. With that in mind, here are a few other series from the last generation we’d love to see resurrected for the modern age of HD consoles...

Ever had that shameful feeling you get when you're horribly late to a party? Y'know, it's that horrible guilt which hits you as you pathetically paw through the last of the sandwiches that have started to go a bit funny and try to hunt down any leftover booze. This is exactly the feeling I had recently when a mate suggested I play through my beloved Metal Gear Solid 4's developer podcasts... which I only realised existed last week. Inside, you'll find out why you need to listen to them, while we also cover some of the awesome Easter eggs the devs reveal in their stupidly soothing 'cast.

Every character in the history of games is a simpering moron. That's the only explanation we can think of that solves the mystery of how the virtual stars inside managed to fool everyone with the most half-assed, obvious costumes since Zorro chose the smallest Spanish mask in existence and thought: "F*ck it, who'll know." And whether dressing up as the enemy, the opposite sex or a homicidal clown, these characters rubbish disguises rarely got rumbled.

Composers in games are always the bloody bridesmaids. While Kojima, Clifford Bleszinski the Third and Shigeru Miyamoto lap up all the credits, complimentary hookers and free mini muffin baskets, the men and women behind their games' epic music go unnoticed.

Steven Spielberg famously said that composer John Williams' score in Jaws was responsible for 50% of the movie's success. And when you consider the iconic tunes from Super Mario Bros. or Shadow of the Colossus' sweeping score, it's hard to underestimate the impact a well composed soundtrack can have on a title. That's why we're giving some of gaming's finest composers the long overdue recognition they deserve.

Anything that accentuates the male scrotal evil is automatically evil. Like ‘Hitler on a bad moustache day’ evil. Because the human Johnson is clearly an inherently terrible thing, it should be concealed at all times, only be broken out under extreme circumstances. Perhaps, if you need to tie a rope around it to pull a car with, in order to break some sort of World’s Strongest Wang record.

That’s why, simply put, the following banana hammock-harbouring characters deserve nothing less than virtual vasectomies.