PlayStation 2

While the burgeoning relationship between journalist and game usually cresecendos with the orgiastic opinion-spree that is the final review, it is always preceded by months of awkward foreplay, as PR and dev alike whispers sweet promises into our ears. Often though, these golden vows turn out to be founded upon nothing but bollocks and deceit. And that upsets us.

So here, to spare you the pain we have felt so many times, is our guide to the most frequently occuring PR flannel and how it far too often translates into real-world truth-speak. Be strong, dear readers, and never again be hurt like we have been.

“State of the art graphics”
“It has graphics”


“A unique blend of genres”
“You can jump AND shoot!”

“Award-winning”
“Three other local devs we know said it's good in an award ceremony you’ve never heard of”

"Genre-defying”
“We were a bit vague during the design stage and still don't really know what it's all about”
or,
“It has a genre but doesn't do it very well, so we threw in some mini-games”

“Genre-defining”
“It's massively generic, but it cost us a hell of a lot of money so it is a big deal.”

“We have entered into an exciting strategic partnership with Company X”
“We sold Company X some techy stuff that you're probably not interested in and will never notice in any of their games you might play. And we really like tortology.”

“We have joined forces with Publisher X / We are proud to join the Publisher X family”
“We'd screwed up our business and Publisher X bought us out for a fiver”

“We're looking forward to a bright future as part of the Publisher X family of studios”
“We're praying Publisher X doesn’t close us down and fire us after one game”

“Leading-edge technology”
“It's not bleeding edge, or even cutting edge, but comparatively it's not too bad. Probably about average really. It's definitely not sh*t though.”

“We continue to satisfy gamers' unending appetite for...”
"We're on sequel/DLC pack number 378, and we're not stopping now, because you suckers don’t know when you’re being milked”

“Atmospheric”
“Too dark to see anything”

“The legendary series”
“The crusty old series that no-one cares about any more”

“The cult series”
“The series that three people like”

“Completely customise your gameplay experience”
“Change the colour of your character's pants”

“A new chapter in the epic saga”
“If you download this, you'll finally have the full game you paid for two months ago”

“Revolutionary new game-changing content”
“A new colour of pants and a second, marginally different deathmatch option.”


“Special gameplay features include…”
“Here are some things this game does that you'd expect it to do by default.” ie. “This racing game has cars. ON TRACKS! With wheels and EVERYTHING!”

“A whole new spin on the genre”
We've got a weird new gimmick that everyone else has chosen not to use for a very good reason”