BloodRayne

Worrying news yesterday. The producer of the so-much-fun-they-could-be-herpes Resident Evil movies said that he'd love the games and films to converge at some point. Two problems with that. The films bare barely any resemblance to the games, and also, they are dire.

But it got us thinking. What if certain franchises started taking inspiration from the cinematic clunkers they inspired? And that got us scared. So we worked out our fears through Photoshop.

Germany’s (hell, the World’s) least favourite film helmer is the most hated man in games. You hate him. Most of Team Radar hate him. Your second cousin who once played House of the Dead II in college absolutely detests him. But with more Boll video game flicks in production - namely Zombie Massacre and Blood Rayne III - we thought it was time someone rode to the defence of the detested director.

The internet is often thought of as a well of information, but that’s a flawed metaphor. It’s much more like a worldwide network of networks, if you follow my logic. And as the internet ages, it’s becoming littered with servers, and those servers are becoming littered with old data.

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Movies based on videogames don’t have the best track record. We can think of one or two that are actually good, maybe a few more that are acceptably mediocre, but in general they’re awful piles of shit. And if there’s one man who’s added to that problem more than anyone else, it’s Uwe Boll.

Thanks to his videogame-based cinematic failures, Uwe Boll is one of the most loathed men on the internet right now. In fact his detractors hate his work so much that most of them have never watched any of it. 

So in the interests of scientific endeavor, we picked up three Boll DVDs and commited ourselves to watching them all in one night. Does Boll deserve the vitriol he so readily receives from the gaming community? Read on and find out.