Two character bios for monsters from forthcoming Vita hack 'n' slash Soul Sacrifice have hit the net - and they're absolutely barking mad. Literally, in one case. It does reaffirm our love of videogames in general, mind. It's reassuring to know that games can still pip even our wildest cheese dreams in terms of presenting us with madness in the style of normality. Check out these two beauties of gaming logic:
In Soul Sacrifice, one of the monsters you face will be a Harpy. Anyone who's played God of War or knows their Greek mythology will be familiar with these things. They're female, grotesque, winged and revolting. But did you ever stop to wonder how they came to be this way? Well, riffing off the 'stealer of food' angle of the original myth, how's this for a back-story?
A well-to-do lady became infatuated with a local market trader and visited him every day, always under the pretence of buying fruit from him. But the more fruit she bought and ate, the fatter she got (wait... what?), eating and eating as her love grew until she was a proper porker. Look:
Above: It's lettuce that takes more energy to digest than it contains, folks. Not fruit
But then, said market trader left for another town. Suddenly racked with grief over her poor broken heart, the lady gave in to darkness and despair. Her fat turned to clay (again... what?) and she sprouted wings. As you do - depression can take all kinds of physical forms. She was then able to fly to the next town where she found her love. However, now being a monster and not a well-to-do lady any more - and still very hungry - she swallowed him whole.
Above: How many chins has she got?! That's not fat, they look sewn on. Ewww
So now she's winged, fat, made of clay, broken-hearted and has eaten her would-be lover. Suffice to say she's pretty pissed. That's about where her state of mind is by the time you meet her, so perhaps it's not a good idea to offer her a fruit pastille.
And what of ol' Cerberus, eh? The three-headed dog thing is a staple of everything from God of War to Harry Potter. Well, turns out his back-story in Soul Sacrifice is just as mental.
There's a guy who loves his town. He defends it with every fibre in his being, keeping his two pet dogs by his side. But you can't fight what you can't see and his town is soon decimated (well, by definition that means only a tenth is killed, so it's even worse than 'decimated' really) by disease. To make things worse, barbarians take advantage of the town's troubles and raid it one night, impaling the guard through the back.
Above: That's exactly what real dogs would do. You're impaled on a spear and they take the opportunity to lick your face
Again, the powers of darkness appear and suggest he can continue to live if he gives up what is dearest to him (which must be the town). So he does, but he gets fused with his dogs along the way. A bit like The Fly in that respect, but with less wall-climbing and more leg-humping.
The town is said to still exist, but if you enter it, you will never leave. Best have a couple of game saves on the go, then.
Above: And there he is in his new form. We suggest bringing three sticks and throwing them in different directions
Pretty mad, eh? Still it makes perfect sense in a game where you can use your own spine as a weapon. We're really looking forward to Soul Sacrifice, and not just because our Vitas' clothes are starting to look loose thanks to being starved of games. Mega Man co-creator Keiji Inafune created its concept, the quality level looks high and... well, our Vitas need games. Hey, we did say it wasn't just because our Vitas are game-starved. But they really are getting that way.