Max Payne

“Is that your profession or pleasure?” Well, when it comes to jobs in games, it’s usually both. Y’see, your average gaming hero’s nine-to-five is a never-ending stream of employed excitement. Acrobatic plumbers who frolic in magical fantasy kingdoms. Archaeologists with pornstar bodies who can dual wield pistols like everyone’s favourite slaphead assassin. And suspiciously buff scientists who routinely save the human race with nothing but a crowbar. They all enjoy incredible careers we mere mortals could only dream of. Of course, if their jobs were a little more true to life, Mario would probably do himself in when he faced his first backed-up toilet… 

Alfons Capone. Henry Hill. Vito Corleone. When you think of great Mafia men, these are probably some of the first names that spring to a criminal mind. Y’know, who you don’t think of? Such woeful wiseguys as Enzo from Bayonetta, Uncle Paulie from the Darkness or that idiot you whack while dressed as a doctor with Niko in GTA IV. Yup, games have constantly been starved for a decent line-up of gangsters (well, apart from the ones they nicked from the Godfather titles). Ah well, at least most of the moronic Mafioso inside end up with a pair of concrete shoes.

Kratos and Max Payne aren’t names frequently uttered in the same sentence. One’s the bald, rage-fueled protagonist of one of gaming’s greatest hack-and-slash franchises, and the other’s an insomniac gunfighter who’s addicted to painkillers and is soon to make a comeback as a paunchy, bearded version of himself. Above: Let’s stick with Thin Max for now, though

However, there’s one key scene

The secret lives of gaming's greats, in 140 characters or less.

Max Payne releases on DVD and Blu-Ray in the UK on Monday 13 April. The movie stars Mark Wahlberg as Max Payne and the incredibly hot Mila Kunis as Mona Sax. It's a stylish adaptation of the cult game series and you can catch a clip from the movie further down this page. Watch it carefully and you could win yourself a copy of the Max Payne movie on Blu-Ray along with a PlayStation 3 and 32" TV to watch it on.

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Yeah, yeah, videogame movies suck. We're bored of saying it. But regardless of the suckage and widespread critical kicking they receive, they just keep on coming. Why so? We doubt that they're made for the love of it, so it must be because they can actually make a few bucks at the box-office. Can it really be true and, if so, how much money do video game movies actually make?

We picked 10 videogame movies and found out how

Last time out, Mark Wahlberg was fighting a mighty wind (The Happening). He didn’t look too comfortable… There was much brow-furrowing and air-gazing and short-sleeve shirt wearing…For Max Payne, Wahlberg is ditching the elemental for the supernatural and, in a hangar-sized suite at London’s Mandarin Oriental, he’s comically at ease: slumped back on a sofa in trainers and worryingly tracksuit-like

We all know that professional movies of videogames completely miss the point nine times out of ten. They're usually made by people who seemingly have no clue what makes the IP great or the faintest idea of what its fans want. But gamers haven't got that excuse, so why do our fan films so frequently incite the urge to explode oneself to death?