Gears of War

It's been a while since I finished Gears of War 3. I liked it and everything but I was majorly bummed that it never revealed why the Locust Queen looks like a human. It was one thing that I really wanted to know. Needed to know. How could developer Epic leave a loose end hanging like that? It's a question that still burns me like a urinary infection.

So in the absence of official canon clarification (or anything better to do), I thought I would knock together a few possible but not all entirely probable explanations as to why Gears of War's Locust Queen looks human.

It’s NOT A SPOILER to say that Gears of War 3 is chock full of plenty of winks, nods and inside jokes. Hell, in the first 15 minutes you can spot multiple versions of the retail 360 game case. This blast from Gear’s marketing past, however, still caught us by complete surprise, mostly because it was seemingly random (Team Deathmatch, Gridlocked map, third round) and you’d assume its inclusion would be a little on the pricey side. So mega props to Epic for not skimping on the Jules! Would’ve been a damn shame to endure the Tears For Fears original…

One of the challenges of an action game is creating a villain that you, the player, will want to destroy. Some games, like Killzone 3, end up crafting bad guys so cool and awesome, you're rooting for them instead of the so-called heroes. Then there are games that just get it right, making an entire army of bastards you just want to punch in the face.

Thanks to a mixture of visual design, atmosphere and writing, some games go beyond even that, and are able to craft an entire race of enemies that are simply despicable to behold. They're ugly, they're disgusting, and they garner absolutely zero sympathy. Those are the truly successful baddies in videogames, and now we rightly pay tribute...

On the fifth anniversary of the beginning of the current console generation, we decided to take a little look back. The difference is while most people are looking at this generation's successes with reverence, examining the wonders these machines have brought us, we’re choosing instead to use this milestone as another chance to mock some of the most epic failures we’ve ever seen.

Though the reasons these things to fall on their face so incredibly hard vary from game to game, the mocking part is universally, consistently fun. It’s really their own damn fault. If the video game industry wasn’t so hell bent on pretending every single product was going to bring about the techno-singularity, we wouldn’t have license to kick them when they’re down. But they do. So we do too. Here, in no particular order, are a baker’s dozen of the worst crash-and-burners of this generation...

In a medium full of perfect teeth, washboard stomachs and breasts that have their own gravitational pull, it’s rare to see characters with disabilities. But they do exist… and they’ve done some badass things. Be it killing gods, eating hardened soldiers or even creating the Nintendo universe; being physically challenged never got in the way of this bunch’s fun.

Disabled and deadly in: Metal Gear Solid 3:

When the hero's mistakes end the world instead of saving it.

You’ll often hear about games lauded for their exceptional soundtracks. Some succeeded with NES-style bleeps, others had orchestral scores or fully licensed songs that lent credibility to a medium struggling to be more than a toy.

Brave humans battling valiantly for the bright future of their world against a soulless alien horde? Not at all. Arrogant human invaders trying vainly to maintain their stranglehold on an abused and suppressed planet. That's more like it. 

Want to really save Cera? Leave it to the Locust.

Last week, Gears of War 2’s Lead Designer, Cliff Bleszinski, debuted GOW2 gameplay to a completely unsurprised public. We paid attention, but only because we had nothing better to do - after all, what do we want with your sloppy seconds? Here’s our six snotty comments about your stupid 360 exclusive.