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GamerBlips"I am listening, it's just that this is really important."
She has something to say. We are expected to devote our full attention. We know we should really just press pause, but we're too absorbed. We can vaguely hear - above the digitized cacophony blaring out the TV - that it's the latest tedious instalment of some ongoing work-related drama that we really couldn't care less about. Someone stole her Yakult out the fridge again. She thinks it was Michelle because she's a bitch. It's not worth pausing the game for.
She knows we're not listening and to prove it she drops in some outrageous story about the boss sexing her brains out in the stationary cupboard. She's set the trap and, like the blind fools we are, we obligingly tumble in, reassuring her that - yes - we are listening, but it's just that this bit is so important that it simply cannot be paused. It's magnitude is so great, it would be doing the developer a huge disservice to interrupt it at the present juncture.
And that's when she retorts angrily with "But it's just a game!" and... well, we've already established that things go rapidly downhill from there.
"Babe, look, I've got a game that we can play together."
Bad idea. Terrible. This always goes one of two ways:
1) You'll get a sarcastic whoop and a look that confirms she thinks you're a failure as a man. She also remarks how the game is more expensive than the shoes she's been dropping some heavyweight hints about for the last month and how Michelle (that bitch that almost definitely stole her Yakult from the office fridge) has a boyfriend that "takes her out and treats her." And, no, at this point it's not advisable to suggest that the pre-owned copy of Lego Star Wars you purchased with the intention of playing together is in any way a treat.
OR
2) She feigns interest and gives it a go. It ends in disaster when, within five minutes of playing, she remembers why she hates games - because she's absolutely shit at them. She proceeds to do everything really rubbishly just to annoy you. You consequently get annoyed, tell her that if she's "not going to play properly, there's no point in playing" and then dramatically turn everything off in a pathetic display of petulance.
August 7, 2009
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