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Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

Also known as: CoD 4

Technically, that's not correct...

Nerd rage activate! It’s time to pointlessly nitpick games that don’t deserve it!

Words: Tyler Wilde, GamesRadar US

Game developers are wrong about 90% of everything 83% of the time. I know, because I’m a super-expert on facts. My dad invented facts. So hold on to your sugary carbonated beverage, uncross your legs and take your left hand off your face, because I'm about to drop a straight-up 10-megaton truth bomb on this bitch. All the subjective bullshit and “artistic license” that game designers cower behind is polluting the hard facts, and it's about time someone exposed these fallacies to the world, because technically, they're not correct.


FINAL FANTASY VII
Cloud's Sword

Man, that’s a big-ass sword! How big would you say it is? Our conservative estimate is that Cloud's blade is about 4ft long, 1ft wide on average, and 5in thick on average. That seems fair, doesn’t it? Now, if we assume that his sword is made of steel, or an alloy roughly similar to steel, how much would it weigh? About 650lbs. So Cloud is capable, with his scrawny-ass biceps, to lift and swing the weight of about three people with ease? I think not. The world record for a bench press is 1075lbs, only 425lbs heavier than our estimated weight of Cloud’s sword – and these athletes aren’t swinging their weights around like feather dusters, they’re literally spilling their guts. Technically, that's just not correct.


EVERY GAME WITH BULLETS
Exploding Gas Tanks

Hey game developers, ever watch MythBusters? Bet you don't, because you're too busy stabbing physics books, you science murderers. I'll put this simply: shooting a pressurized gas tank with a regular gun won't do shit. Try a handgun, and you probably won't even puncture the tank. Move up to a rifle and you might puncture it, but the resulting "explosion" will be nothing more than a rapid decompression which will, at best, disorient the enemy. No, if you really want to make a gas tank explode, you need a high-powered weapon with incendiary rounds. So guess what? Technically, the following shit don't come correct:


CALL OF DUTY: WORLD AT WAR
Nonexistent Entity

Hey Mr. WWII Game, how about being right about something? Fat chance! While supposedly in 1945, World at War makes reference to the United States "Air Force." Guess what? It wasn't called the Air Force until 1947 - before then it was known as the Army Air Corps., so, yep, you guessed it you history raping bastards: technically, that's not correct.


Above: This is the USAAC, not the Air Force. Hah! More like Call of Duty: LIES of War!


HALO SERIES
Science Fail!

Lasers generally emit a spreading, cone-shaped beam, which is focused into a parallel beam with a lens. If one intended to use a laser as a weapon, it would make sense to direct the energy in a parallel beam - but if fired in space, with nothing to scatter the light, would you see this parallel beam? NO! Technically, the image below is simply not correct.


Above: NOT CORRECT! (Technically)

It doesn't end there. The Orbital Defense Platforms supposedly maintain a geosynchronous orbit over certain cities, which actually means they would cross over their city once a day, not remain over it constantly – uh oh, I think you meant GEOSTATIONARY! Man, that is so technically not correct.


 
136 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
xboxrulez  - 3 months 1 day ago 
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xboxrulez  - 3 months 1 day ago 
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Kipper  - 3 months 1 day ago 
Dear Mr Xboxrulez,
If you wish people to respect your opinions, for goodness' sake learn to write with proper punctuation and spelling.

Thanks.
Snarf  - 3 months 1 day ago 
Xboxrulez. I hate you.
Cyberninja  - 3 months 1 day ago 
the only reason cloud has the sword is because of zack his friend and he is on steroids like cloud duh
Snarf  - 3 months 1 day ago 
He knows about his punctuation. He does it on purpose because he hates Xbox and he wants to make it seem like you are a cocky jerk who can't spell if you own one.
zabu_san  - 3 months 1 day ago 
NEEEEEEEERD!!!!! Good artcile though Tyler, but hasn't Geek Week passed?! Spillover, eh?!
GamesRadarTylerWilde  - 3 months 1 day ago 
Dammit zabu, you caught me. This was pushed back.
Bhouse563  - 3 months 1 day ago 
Good article Tyler! I played Lemmings for the better part of a decade so saying it was addicting is kinda an understatement lol
Terro  - 3 months 1 day ago 
GR... You can see Xboxrulez is annoying people...
Why not just ban his account?
And as for Cloud's sword, you can counter the argument by stating that due to Clouds infusion with Jenova cells, he now has super strength :D.
Kipper  - 3 months 1 day ago 
Here's another one: shooting a fuel-filled barrel with a normal gun will not make it explode. (Thanks again, Mythbusters).

Oh, and Disney threw lemmings off a cliff for a film? B*stards!
lucashintz  - 3 months 1 day ago 
Yay! I was looking forward to this article and was not disappointed!
PS. So lets get this straight: Tyler's dad invented facts and Tyler invented grammar(according to 24 marathon). Wow, what a genius family.
5DollarFootlong  - 3 months 1 day ago 
excellent article mr. wilde.
xboxrulez  - 3 months 1 day ago 
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Reported
FETALJUICE  - 3 months 1 day ago 
Getting killed by the knife in CoD4 is annoying as hell.
sixboxes  - 3 months 1 day ago 
I think you got it all backwards. It isn't game developers hating on science, it's stupid science hating on all us fun-lovers.
unclecharley  - 3 months 1 day ago 
This just might be my favorite GR article of all time.
lovinmyps3  - 3 months 1 day ago 
Finally!! I've been waiting for this article since Week of Geek was announced! A little late but still good Tyler!
Tasty_Pasta  - 3 months 1 day ago 
The stupid knife to gun lethality ratio in most games really does make me mad.

But I actually was watching a video on YouTube yesterday with a bunch of guys shooting and blowing up propane tanks, even if the Mythbusters couldn't do it.

reCaptcha: connally's clavicle
Makk_Mizzy  - 3 months 1 day ago 
LOL! This guy that wrote this article is quite artistic, LOL! I have to meet his parents!
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