Assassin's Creed

History and videogames have been intertwined since at least the early ‘80s, but at best it’s been a shaky relationship. Until fairly recently, concepts like “realism” and “accuracy” weren’t often a consideration, and they tended to be thrown out the window if a cool explosion or giant monster was judged more beneficial to gameplay. As technology has progressed, however, more of these games have been trying hard to be true to their historical roots – and, predictably, a lot of them don’t do so well...

A conveniently skewed view of history. Corrupt religious leaders. Serious men in silly white dresses who leap flamboyantly about with knives strapped to their wrists.  Jade Raymond. What do these things have in common? They're hallmarks of Assassin's Creed, which has quickly grown from a single, divisive game to one of the most popular franchises of the current console generation. And if you've been paying attention, you know that makes it a perfect target for our continuing Week of Hate coverage. Specifically the part of that coverage in which we take a moment each day to nitpick a beloved series to death...

We've all seen dozens of lists over the years that recount all the things old-school game designers loved to include in their games for bizarre and unknown reasons, like exploding barrels and wolves that carry gold and chainmail for you to loot upon their death. Yes, these things were weird, and yes, they were ubiquitous in 8-,16-, and even 32-bit games.

Sometimes, games are so good we say they're 'good enough to eat'. That's usually not strictly true, of course - DVDs, Blu-Ray discs and the human mouth do not mix. But what if games were turned into candy bars? Now there's an idea.

If our Photoshop attempts are anything to go by, there's a huge market of untapped potential just waiting for some entrepreneur to take a lucrative bite. Just try not to dribble on the keyboard,

Like petty school children bickering in a playground fight, gamers are obsessed with choosing sides. Never content to rate a game as simply “above average” or “slightly disappointing,” we allow internet hearsay, magazine previews, fanboy feuds and console preferences to push our views to ridiculous extremes. We can’t just like something… we have to deem it BEST EVER. We can’t just dislike something… we have to declare it EPIC FAIL.