We've all been stuck talking to that guy. You know him. He subscribes to Famitsu, only plays imports and claims he can decipher the extra-terrestrial scrawlings of kanji. He's the Japanophile and he treats other gamers with contempt. He's a pain in the ass. But now you can bend his kazoo out of shape with our Bluffer's Guide to Japanese Gaming.

Simply read our guide and we almost guarantee that you'll be able to comfortably fudge your ...

The Golden Joystick Awards 2008 has just wrapped up. If you missed the live broadcast... where the hell where you? But no matter. If you were one of the 856,262 gamers that voted, you'll probably be interested to know who won what ...

At first glance they look cute. Fluffy cartoonish friendly faces all smiles and big eyes. But look harder and look closer. Harder. Closer. You see? They're not squishy lovable cuddlies. No. They're the disturbing denizens of night-time head terrors. Sinister villains parading themselves as candy-coloured pleasantries.  Look harder closer at the following and - with our creative guidance - you'll see them for the horror beasts they ...

Except in rare cases when they are pulled from early reviews, or when they appear on re-released editions of games, the quotes on the box come from previews. What is a preview, exactly? A preview is what's written after a bunch of PR people show off the best parts of a game, explain how conceptually brilliant it's all going to be, and tell the writer that the horrible glitches are "being ironed out." ...

Have you ever wanted to be really gruff and a little bit frightening without actually having to grow a beard, build up a considerable potbelly and slap a McCain/Palin sticker on your car? Well, there are games for that (most of them published by Cabela’s). Or maybe you’ve always dreamed of being a celebrity dog trainer, a curling champion, a gardener… any of this sound appealing? Yeah, probably not, but there are games for ...

Videogames tend to make at least one appearance in any long running TV show and occasional movie sequels. Sometimes the attempt at pop culture awareness is done well, but it’s generally an attempt by clueless writers to appear hip and socially relevant by tackling the supposed implications of violent games. The conversation, as I imagine it, goes something like this:

Writer 1: You know, my son is always playing those ...

Philistines don't understand the sophisticated and complex culture of gaming. They think it's a breeze. That it's as easy as sitting on the sofa, fiddling with sticks and shooting space invaders with a gormless expression painted on our faces. But they're clueless fools. We know that being proper dedicated got-the-t-shirt gamers is one of the hardest jobs on the planet. Yes it is.

The next time someone shouts "Lazy git" in your ...