Nintendo of America’s rules and regs applied to packaging and manuals as well. Above we can see the original and revised cover art for Capcom’s largely forgotten Gun.Smoke, featuring a far more subdued “SALOON” on the right.
In addition to changing the name of a nightspot from “BAR” to “CLUB,” the US version of Final Fight also had to drop any and all Whiskey-based power-ups.
Above: Keep telling yourself those are “soda” bottles, America
While fairly common knowledge in these here circles, many of you younglings currently rocking the Wii Punch-Out!! may not be aware that the man you know as “Soda Popinski” originally went by the name “Vodka Drunkenski.”
Above: Oh Nintendo, you rascally racists!
But once you’re aware that Soda was originally a hard drinkin’ Ruskie stereotype, his fermented quotes are given a whole new, much more understandable context.
Above: All quotes that still exist in the game! Though we should commend him for advocating responsible driving
This probably isn’t news to any of you, but yeah, the Japanese Bionic Commando is all about the fighting the Nazis.
Nintendo mandated that the most popular, and currently overused, villains of all time be removed. Ambiguous dates remained, but Swastikas were substituted with Third Reich-ish eagles, and the Nazis were referred to as “The Badds.”
Above: Look, no Wife-Arm!
It’s not as if anyone was denying the connection, especially since the Japanese title translates to “Top Secret! Hitler’s Revival.” But who wouldn’t rather fight the Fuehrer instead of Master-D:
But if you have an internet connection, you no doubt already know how this ended.
Seemingly unaware that most of the gaming world was already hip to the fact that Wolfenstein 3D featured Nazis having already played it for free, Nintendo ordered id to remove all the swastikas from the environment, leading to some of the prettiest red drapes you ever did see!
Above Right: No, that’s A. Dolph Schmidtler
And it only took the omission of a couple of black pixels to turn Adolf Hitler’s portrait into the stache-less, Super NES exclusive, “Staatmeister!”
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Following Ganondorf’s de-bloodening, Nintendo also opted to take out a couple of references that could’ve potentially angered the forever angry Islamic community. In addition to removing a song featuring a Muslim chant from the Fire Temple, Link’s Mirror shield was adorned with a crescent moon symbol synonymous with a Hyrulian desert tribe known as the Gerudo… and yeah, the Islamic faith. Whoopsy! Majora’s Mask introduced a new Gerudo symbol, and the Mirror Shield would reflect that (HAR HAR) in Ocarina’s later iterations.
Imagine the surprise of the Disney developers’ faces when Nintendo sent back Ducktales for “Objectionable Content.”
Right after you demolish a stranger’s sedan for no reason other than bonus points, Nintendo of America refused to let the poor owner cry out to his Lord thy God.
Castlevania III: Dracula%26rsquo;s Curse
“Okay, Konami. If you absolutely must have a cross, please take it down a notch.”
Super Mario RPG
Squint a bit and you can see that Bowser’s Japanese victory gesture is reminiscent of how Italians flip people the bird. Ooooooooh, dis guy!
Above you’ll find one of the silliest of several billion asinine edits forced upon the NES port.Click hereto read even more ludicrous edits from Douglas Crockford, the poor bastard in charge of the Maniac Mansion’s NES port.
All the Hulkamania in the world couldn’t keep Final Fight’s first boss from a name change. Hell, even the biblical/anal sex reference couldn’t escape that scrutiny:
A harmless testicle metaphor found in the Genesis version of Ballz 3D was excised completely on the SNES… which may have lead to some retaliatory overcompensation:
Jul 22, 2009
Look closer - gaming is even naughtier than you think
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How can other commercials compare with cuddly toys, smooching strangers and homicidal women?