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Nintendo 3DS: Good idea or total crap?

 
Above: Dave has seen all this before. And he is afeared... 

"That’s it people. It’s over. Move on. There’s nothing to see here. Nintendo has finally gone so far into gimmick country that there’s no way back.

“But no!” you might cry, “Nintendo is the great innovator! It has the outside-the-box hardware ideas that shape the whole industry” But does it? Does it always? As a long-time Nintendo fanboy since the days of the Gameboy and the NES I can say yes, Nintendo’s best thought-out marriages of hardware refinement and game design have undoubtedly changed gaming  for the better, but along the way the company has spent an equal amount of time so drunk on being different for different’s sake that it frequently hasn’t noticed when it’s been close to pissing itself and falling off the table. For every N64 pad, there’s a ROB. For every rumble pack, there’s a Satellaview. For every DS, there’s a Power Glove. And for every Game Boy, there’s a Virtual Boy.

 
Above: They're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack... 

"Think of the Nintendo consoles you love the most. I guarantee you’re thinking of the NES, the Game Boy, the SNES, the N64 and maybe even the Gamecube. All of Nintendo’s truly great machines are the ones that streamlined and improved certain things over previous iterations of gaming, but otherwise just got on with it. They were Nintendo doing what it did best.

"Whenever it’s gone tits-up, it’s been as a result of Nintendo drunkenly charging outside of the box, naively leaping on a bandwagon, and steering that wagon straight off the cliff of overly-whacky, misfiring bullshit, by way of premature, oversold hardware and under-developed ideas. Some might find the idea of a dedicated 3D console exciting, but being realistic, it just whiffs of Nintendo getting back on the sauce. Unfortunately, pandering to a gimmick-loving, disloyal casual market which demands a constant string of next-big-things in order to stay interested has forced out Nintendo’s historical worst side. Vitality Sensor anyone? And the 3DS is the latest entry into that lineage of desperate, headline-baiting misfires. 

 
Above: Ninty is the innocent surburban kid. These are the drug pushers 

"Ninty’s getting involved in the latest, unproven gaming fad? And it’s dedicating an entire hardware platform to what is in reality only a software solution? And it’s claiming to do it in a way never seen before, in this case without glasses? Here we go again, people. It’s Virtual Boy time…

"Take it from me. I’ve spent time with the devs on the forefront of the proper, next generation of 3D gaming technology. Conceptually, peripheral-less, in-screen 3D is possible, but it’s a while off and will not be cheap when it does land. And cheap hardware is Nintendo's current M.O. Nintendo’s no-glasses 3D will only deliver in the way that the N64 had SGI workstation-standard graphics, or that the Virtual Boy delivered home virtual reality, or that the Wii gave us real-time, motion-controlled interaction with our game environments.

 
Above: Expect similar 3DS/Avatar Photoshop mash-ups in a decade 

"In other words, it’s going to be a fudged-together, halfway house solution that only roughly emulates what it claimed to deliver. It’ll do it well enough to grab the headlines and excite the technologically naïve, but it won’t do it well enough to be convincing long-term.

"And aside from its technical failings, the simple fact is that 3D has no practical gameplay applications. It’s ironic that the company of “No new platform ‘til innovation requires it” is creating a machine that specialises in what is essentially nothing more than an aesthetic garnish. Some doubted the DS at first, but that machine actually brought a very real, hands-on interaction change. The 3DS as we know it so far will add nothing but zeitgeist cool in an attempt to stay one small bunny hop ahead of a market that is constantly catching up.

"The 3DS. It’s so bad…"

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31 comments

  • Xeacons - March 26, 2010 10:30 p.m.

    There's no way to judge this until I see a solid demo in my hand. Actually, I've seen TV screens use 3D without the need for glasses, which is why I hate the new ones hitting stores (I don't blame theatres, though). It's about time we see a successor to the DS. It was great, but that was 6 years ago. Cycle's over. Next phase please. 3D or no 3D, I want the next line. Justin, I can understand his enthusiasm, but I'll still wait until I see how this turns out. Dave's still Wii-bashing. Even trying to bring up some good points, it's the basis of his argument, so it all falls apart. Sorry. You might as well say the Power Glove is a Proto-PS Move or Project Natal. Keep in mind who's following in Nintendo's footsteps. If the 3DS works out, how long until we see a PSP-3D
  • shinigamiDude - March 25, 2010 6:48 a.m.

    I skip the hand-held systems of this generation and miss out some great JRPGs. I might get it just for Poke'mon if the system is not gonna be as bad as we all thought it would be.
  • mitchman123 - March 25, 2010 12:32 a.m.

    ive got to say i agree with dave, but who knows it could be awsome... i mean look what you guys said about bioshock 2 before it was out.
  • philipshaw - March 24, 2010 3:27 p.m.

    I'm with Dave,it has 3D in the title and anything with 3D is dumb
  • GameManiac - March 24, 2010 3:11 p.m.

    Whatever the 3DS is, I'll keep a close eye on it as I hear more about it. Although since it may come out March 2011 (allegedly), I may want the DSi.
  • presc1ence - March 24, 2010 12:58 p.m.

    Could be good, the screen tech IS there (see Sharps 'proper' 3D displays and their docomo phone that been out for donkeys years). Maybe the trial run for this WAS the gameboy 3d?
  • speno93 - March 24, 2010 7:11 a.m.

    im with justin here,i t would be absolutlely incredible to see that kind of power and technnological realism in a handhold, cant wait!
  • lewis42025 - March 24, 2010 1:13 a.m.

    hate it
  • Tygerclaws - March 23, 2010 11:45 p.m.

    Hoookay, what? This...makes no sense. This does not computer. First, the DS is touch-screen/stylus controlled, as someone mentioned before. This completely destroys the possibility of it being exterior 3D, as you would need at least ten or twelve sensors in a semi-circle around the bloody thing to track your touches. So that leaves a head-tracking camera. Do I REALLY have to explain how stupid that is? It's a handheld, for SNES's sake! What, am I going to duck away from my handheld? Then how am I going to see the screen? And if I have to "turn my head" to turn my head in the game...again, how am I going to see what the bloody hell I'm doing? So no, both of those hypotheses fail on multiple levels. And let's just go with the idea that it's actually for something closer to "turn yourself and the 3DS left to look left in the game!". Does that not, in essence, destroy the very idea of a handheld system? "Gaming on the go! (Disclaimer: You must be able to turn around at a moment's notice to play.)" Yeah. No. And let's face it, the majority of people who buy Nintendo handhelds...do it for Pokemon. Do we really want Pokemon to turn into Duel Monsters? What's next, DS Disks? Will they slip onto our arms and part of them detach to magically let our little Pocket Monsters appear in front of us? Ugh. Anyway. Bad idea. Just another Wii-volution.
  • Noahguy1234 - March 23, 2010 11:29 p.m.

    I think that this is such a gimmick. I'm not saying I don't want it, I'm saying I don't like it. I think that this is another one of Nintendo's crap attempts at "revolutionary gaming". It's just like the DSi XL. They try to make something that will improve gameplay, but is ultimately a FAIL. I do have to say the idea of 3D is good, but with games? I highly doubt that anyone will want to pay for an overpriced handheld that's just fine as it is. The DSi XL was just Nintendo's way of targeting old people. And to make it worse, they tried to put games on it so people would buy it (I consider it a bribe). They're probably going to do the same thing with the 3DS. I really hate it when people try to do something to make a console or handheld better, but they make it worse. Thank you for your time.
  • Cyberninja - March 23, 2010 11:21 p.m.

    as GRs resident nintendo fanboy i say if they can make it under the lanch price of the wii and have all the features of the dsi and a awesome first party game that shows all the features properly i will say it will be worth geting but if they mess up badly and dont make up for it with a new hardcore platform then nintendo lost its last true fans
  • pat5556 - March 23, 2010 10:55 p.m.

    hmm...I have always liked Nintendo, and most of their main stuff is great.(just not a wholelota third party stuff...) I mainly think that as long as this is more user-freindly than the VB, and 3rd partiers don't spam it with "family games"(shudder) it could turn out awesome. Good luck, Nintendo. List me as "maybe, more on the yes side"
  • QWERTYCommander - March 23, 2010 10:53 p.m.

    I agree with Dave. I just wanted a normal handheld, without two screens or this 3D bullshit. This just sounds like it will be too expensive and will fuck with your eyes (like the Virtual Boy only with more color). When the next-gen Sony handheld comes out, I'm getting that instead. Sure it may not have as much games, but at least Sony doesn't rely on gimmicks to sell their consoles (okay, the Move is a bit gimmicky, but at least it's optional)
  • Azymuth - March 23, 2010 10 p.m.

    Isn't the DS a stylus/touch-screen console? Then, how can I touch something floating in the air?
  • raygillies - March 23, 2010 8:35 p.m.

    No glasses required ^^^
  • raygillies - March 23, 2010 8:34 p.m.

    OK, I can actually help you guys understand this one, because I've seen the tech before. I know a guy who runs a 3D studio, who got the first 3D camera from Fujifilm in advance. The screen uses the same technology described here, and it's legit and it works. Just wanted to let you know that there's someone out there who's seen this type of screen before, and that the 3D actually works. Hope this helps.
  • infestedandy - March 23, 2010 7:45 p.m.

    After the DS launched, I was very disappointed with Nintendo. That bulky, dimly lit monstrosity let me down, but then the DS Lite came out and I was happy. The games were good and the design really took a significant step forward. Unfortunately, Nintendo never stopped after that and now we have the DSi, DSiXL, and 3DS coming. It's all completely unnecessary. Using the Wii as an example, I can't support a company that doesn't support me. It seems they're only concerned with releasing annual versions of their already successful hardware and other gimmicky tools. Even if we haven't heard anything else on it you can count me out. Nintendo, stop modeling yourself after Apple. Seriously. That or sell your hardcore licenses to companies who care about their loyal customers. You can then make all the Sports Resorts and Nitro Kart Racers you want.
  • Nocturne989 - March 23, 2010 7:26 p.m.

    this will either save or kill Nintendo and im definitely excited to see which. I'm rooting for Nintendo on this one, but we'll just have to wait and see (IN 3D!)
  • RonnyLive19881 - March 23, 2010 6:54 p.m.

    This is blowing my mind! I can't wait for next year! Plus this just shows GR's ignorance... the power glove was made by Mattel. The VB was a mistake and Nintendo has definantly learned from it. If the testers hated it they wouldn't have continued development. People were worried about the Ds before it came out and it turned out fantastic so no worries here. I might wait a year and get the 3DS light though Lol.
  • Ru89 - March 23, 2010 5:19 p.m.

    i mean nintendo...smh at me

Showing 1-20 of 31 comments

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