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Must not buy

Worst Adventure - Gord@k
Sometimes it’s hard to see what motivated design decisions during production of a game. Gord@k is a case in point: fail to win the final puzzle against the titular computer virus, and the one and only save game you’re allowed is immediately deleted. You are forced, in other words, to return to the very start of the game and play through it all over again.

Stupidest Fault - Rise of the Robots
This game cost literally thousands of dollars to develop. This is almost as shocking as the graphics, which were shiny in a way we’d never seen before. You have to understand, it looked beautiful, and the buzz around the game was huge. Unfortunately, in the age of floppy disks, high-resolution images and animations didn’t leave much room for a game. Or animations. The entire travesty could be completed by pushing up, right and kick, and all because there wasn’t enough memory to let characters jump. It sold millions.

Most Disappointing - Daikatana
Disappointment rarely has much to do with the actual quality of a game. Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, for example, is often named both last year’s best and most disappointing game. With that in mind, it’s important to realize that Daikatana isn’t as bad as you think it is. Fighting green frogs in green swamps wasn’t the greatest design decision ever made, but no. Daikatana is the most disappointing game ever because for one bright, shiny moment we believed that design was law and that John Romero would make us his bitch. We believed it could be brilliant. It wasn’t.



Worst Translation - Midnight Nowhere
There are a lot of games out there with bad localization, but it takes something truly special to make mistranslation into a kind of Zen art form. “You get the feeling this receiver couldn’t care less about a wall socket.” Huh? “He’s probably lying here to show off. It’s like he’s saying, I’m not just wearing my pants out, I’ve got medical training.” Whuh? It’s like you’re saying English sentences, but one of us is really high. It’s you.

Worst Controls - Trespasser
“Physics!” is a common cry in the GamesRadar office. Every time a barrel rolls downhill in Half-Life 2, every time a vehicle spins out of control in Battlefield, you hear it. It’s always a cry of excitement, and a long way from the horror associated with the origins of the technology.

Worst Mini-Game - Monsters, Inc: Scream Team Training
Wreck Room’s close cousin Scream Team Training deserves a special mention for having the most tenuously linked minigames ever devised. In “Parking Lot,” players are challenged not to lose all faith in humanity while parking the monster’s cars in time for work at 9am. Honorable mentions also go to the boringly named “Canister Storage Room” and “Paperwork” minigames, both of which are depressingly self-explanatory.

Worst... Just the worst - Big Brother 2
Big Brother 2 isn’t so much a game as a crime against nature. One minigame requires that you remember ringtone sequences. Why? Because it hates you. Another demands that you protect drying laundry from incoming bird excrement, which is a fitting metaphor for our job when it comes to our readers and games like this.

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