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Misleading game box art

Lets pause for somewhere between 59 and 61 seconds and assume you're someone who doesn't know shit about games. You don't scan Metacritic for hours on end for review scores. You don't question the fidelity of a forumite's mother, just because he had the balls to say the 360 version of Red Dead Redemption had a better framerate than the PS3 game. In short, you're Johnny Clueless when it comes to the medium.

So just imagine how daunting it would be sauntering into a game shop, if you had to base your entire purchase on the strength of a game's box art alone. Terrifying, right? Well, that's why so many developers put shiny colours, explosions and tits on boxes. They're desperate to sell their game to you, no matter if what's on the box is actually in the game. And this brings us neatly to the following collection of devious box art, which all hinted their games were something they actually weren't.


Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3

The box says...

Sex appeal, grizzly bears with serious attitude and kick-ass robots whose designs definitely weren't half inched from BioShock's Big Daddies. Basically, buy this game and you're getting laid by some slinky Soviet seductress.

The game says...

Tedious micro managment, and tiny versions of all those cool things on the cover you'll never be able to get a decent view of in the game.


Gears of War 2

The box says...

Regret, the importance of clinging to hope in the face of overwhelming odds and the manliest of manly emotions, with a gooey, tender core. 

The game says...

EAT CHAINSAW YOU ALIEN F*CKERS! EMOTIONS ARE STUPID AND SHOULD BE HATED!


Tony Hawk: Underground

The box says...

A gritty world of skating on the wrong side of the law. Make no mistake; The Hawk is down with the disillusioned , semi suicidal youth of today.

The game says...

Our game sucks hobo Johson, so we'll just watch a couple of episodes of Jackass for inspiration, then throw as much zany shit at you as you can stand. Hell, our game's so wacky you'll want to sniff some glue and step in front of traffic just so you never have to witness anything as brainless again.


Heavy Rain

The box says...

Games are art.

The game says...

Shite on a stick, your missus will kill you if she walks in on you appreciating this particular form of 'art'.

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45 comments

  • Manguy17 - June 1, 2010 6:55 p.m.

    totally agree with gears 2, and to think i hear people boasting about its strong storyline, who needs plot when you have chainsaws?
  • symphonicdeathpop - June 1, 2010 3:05 p.m.

    Damn, what the hell is going on in that Heavy Rain pic o_O
  • itkonlyyou94 - June 1, 2010 2:51 p.m.

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  • itkonlyyou94 - June 1, 2010 2:43 p.m.

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  • AuthorityFigure - June 1, 2010 11:27 a.m.

    That's why I only ever look at the SPINES of the boxes... That way you get to see how much they really care about their games... RE: He bonded
  • philipshaw - June 1, 2010 10:31 a.m.

    Good article but them THUG screens are from THUG2 and not THUG. Anyway I love the MGS one at the end
  • kaleb-mayhew - November 20, 2013 7:47 p.m.

    yup
  • notthatgoodthanks - June 1, 2010 10 a.m.

    I can hear meik's sigh from here with the THUG 1 and 2 mix up haha. Great article however and the MGS2 one, for me, the most relevent to myself. God how i groaned when i realised that i just wouldnt ever be playing as snake for the rest of the game 6 hours in. Damn you raidan.
  • HawtKakez - June 1, 2010 2:20 a.m.

    I had no clue that there was a sex scene after my first play through of Heavy Rain. The character just commited a horrendous, regretful crime and you ask me he wants to make out? Are you serious? A very enjoyable read indeed.
  • Cwf2008 - June 1, 2010 2:12 a.m.

    "greatest sport in the history of the world" Uh...theres no way on earth that can be in reference to soccer right? reCAPTCHA: Moans of....of what?!
  • michaelmcc827 - June 1, 2010 1:44 a.m.

    YOU LAUGH but I actually played Theme Park World...I never said I liked it though.
  • JoeMasturbaby - June 1, 2010 1:39 a.m.

    also the manhunt 2 one has to do with brainwash, and how the characters perceive things. i really dont get a few of these at all. theres so many other boxes that are more fit for this article.
  • JoeMasturbaby - June 1, 2010 1:35 a.m.

    HEY that tony hawk one is wrong. 6/7 of those images you took arent even from THUG. load of bollocks this is.
  • albinomonkey90 - June 1, 2010 1 a.m.

    when i saw the cover for Tony Hawk Underground i thought it meant they were finally burying the series
  • groxack - June 1, 2010 12:57 a.m.

    I still lol from mgs2.
  • IveGotNewSocks - June 1, 2010 12:53 a.m.

    Instead of Manhunt you should have had Bionic Commando. The cover says: a modern version of an nes classic. The game says : WIFE ARM!
  • Spybreak8 - June 1, 2010 12:48 a.m.

    I want to see screenshots on the cover damn it! lol
  • shyfonzie - May 31, 2010 10:50 p.m.

    MGS2: PSYCHE!!
  • n00b - May 31, 2010 9:50 p.m.

    actually your talking about tony hawk's underground 2 with the jackass stuff underground 1 made some sense, well the last time i played it was 4 years ago
  • bluscorp - May 31, 2010 7:25 p.m.

    THUG2 was my favourite Hawk game.

Showing 1-20 of 45 comments

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