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Lets pause for somewhere between 59 and 61 seconds and assume you're someone who doesn't know shit about games. You don't scan Metacritic for hours on end for review scores. You don't question the fidelity of a forumite's mother, just because he had the balls to say the 360 version of Red Dead Redemption had a better framerate than the PS3 game. In short, you're Johnny Clueless when it comes to the medium.
So just imagine how daunting it would be sauntering into a game shop, if you had to base your entire purchase on the strength of a game's box art alone. Terrifying, right? Well, that's why so many developers put shiny colours, explosions and tits on boxes. They're desperate to sell their game to you, no matter if what's on the box is actually in the game. And this brings us neatly to the following collection of devious box art, which all hinted their games were something they actually weren't.
Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3
The box says...
Sex appeal, grizzly bears with serious attitude and kick-ass robots whose designs definitely weren't half inched from BioShock's Big Daddies. Basically, buy this game and you're getting laid by some slinky Soviet seductress.
The game says...
Tedious micro managment, and tiny versions of all those cool things on the cover you'll never be able to get a decent view of in the game.
Gears of War 2
The box says...
Regret, the importance of clinging to hope in the face of overwhelming odds and the manliest of manly emotions, with a gooey, tender core.
The game says...
EAT CHAINSAW YOU ALIEN F*CKERS! EMOTIONS ARE STUPID AND SHOULD BE HATED!
Tony Hawk: Underground
The box says...
A gritty world of skating on the wrong side of the law. Make no mistake; The Hawk is down with the disillusioned , semi suicidal youth of today.
The game says...
Our game sucks hobo Johson, so we'll just watch a couple of episodes of Jackass for inspiration, then throw as much zany shit at you as you can stand. Hell, our game's so wacky you'll want to sniff some glue and step in front of traffic just so you never have to witness anything as brainless again.
Heavy Rain
The box says...
Games are art.
The game says...
Shite on a stick, your missus will kill you if she walks in on you appreciating this particular form of 'art'.
