Mind-blowingly underwhelming celebrity performances


Underwhelming us with: Patrick Stewart 

Bethesda scored one hell of a coup with Oblivion’s casting. The game hit just a couple of years after the cinema release of Return of the King, when Lord of The Rings hype was still rabid, and so a serious, epic fantasy RPG with swords, magic, orcs and proper, serious English actors was always going to be a very good idea indeed. LotR had Iain McKellen, so Oblivion got Patrick Stewart:

Patrick Stewart! He was Picard. He was Professor X. He was any number of Shakespearian and classic theatrical roles you can think of, and an all-round good egg to boot (both in likeability and head shape). He was hyped in the pre-publicity. He was all over the trailers. But then we got the game. And Patrick Stewart was in it. And he was really bloody good. And then he died after the first 20 minutes and we were left with these guys for the next 100 hours.

Charlie’s Angels

Underwhelming us with: Cameron DiazLucy LiuDrew Barrymore 

So, Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu and Drew Barrymore then. None of them is exactly going to change the world with their craft, but they’re all talented and thoroughly likeable performers capable of making a good production a good deal better when they’re in the right role.

Their voice-acting parts in the Charlie’s Angels game were not the right roles. They didn’t just sound bored, they sounded catatonic. Like they’d recently consumed a party stash of ketamine each and suffered sizeable head injuries at the hands of the dealer they’d stolen it from. And they looked like it too.


Underwhelming us with: Malcolm McDowell 

By taking the "Grindhouse is just an excuse" approach and naively assuming that a grainy filter would make a crap game ironically cool, Wet failed hard. But surely Malcolm McDowell could have saved this atrocious mess? Or at least made it a bit more bearable. After all, he’s a great actor, but when needs be he’s also capable of hamming it up to a level that makes pig meat look suitable for vegetarians. His range should have been a perfect fit, and his previous video game work as the president in Fallout 3 (making Wet his second starring role in a Bethesda-published game) was fantastic. Surely he could make a supposed Grindhouse game sing?

Above: Golden Globe nominee McDowell as monotone man in hat

No. No it seems he was aware that Wet wasn’t anywhere near as good as Fallout 3, and so just read some words off a page instead of acting. They didn't even bother asking Liam Neeson.


  • mrmorozov987 - July 15, 2010 7:48 p.m.

    I'm surprised Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker isn't here. As a matter of fact, everyone in Spider-Man 3 should be here. (except J. Jonah Jameson, he was awesome)
  • lewis42025 - October 13, 2009 5:06 p.m.

    great article btw, and you guys should so watch the whole true crime video in the article. it's soooo worth it
  • lewis42025 - October 13, 2009 5:03 p.m.

    lol!!! HOOOOOLY BAHJEEZUS! that mad me laugh so hard!
  • Doomwaffle - October 12, 2009 1:43 p.m.

    You guys know that basically half of Firefly's cast was in ODST?
  • bl00dyvalen7ine - October 12, 2009 7:21 a.m.

    OMG WET had a HORRIBLE ending...
  • Blinder - October 12, 2009 1:21 a.m.

    Fun fact, Nathan Fillion is a gamer and plays Halo with Alan Tudyk,
  • linkganon - October 10, 2009 5:50 a.m.

    I have to mention, that every single person who had a voice act on need for speed undercover sucked. the wii version is extremely short, go for pc one if anything. now i have to laugh at whoever voiced acted raiden on sons of liberty since he seemed lazy and bored at some points in time. every question he asked, it seemed like he was like whatever, and at other times, he did well. he needs at least to be mentioned.
  • TheHolyHandGrenade - October 9, 2009 11:05 p.m.

    I love oblivion so much. Too bad i only heard 10 different voices in the whole game. Nice artical.
  • GR_DavidHoughton - October 9, 2009 2:39 p.m.

    I'm with you on the soundtrack. Between the smokey, jazzy Vangelis-style tunes and the Tron-vision of the VISR, it's like being in '80s sci-fi movie heaven.
  • SausageLozenge - October 9, 2009 2:13 p.m.

    Even as a Halo nerd, I have to agree. ODST cutscenes were meh. Martin O'Donnell makes up for it with a brilliant score. hopefully we see a big technical jump between Halo 3's engine and the Halo: Reach engine like we did with Halo 1 to 2.
  • Arch27 - October 9, 2009 1:36 p.m.

    I thought McDowell did fine. I imagine he's supposed to be a sociopath. I find much worse things to nit-pick about in that Wet video. Note the clipping issues with the sword in the scabbard as Rubi punches the other chick (2:26).
  • GR_DavidHoughton - October 9, 2009 11:07 a.m.

    Don't worry, we couldn't forget Walken's spectacular example of vocal gurning. There's a link to the vid in the True Crime entry. Click and enjoy. :)
  • FistfulofPelican - October 9, 2009 9:09 a.m.

    Woah! No Christopher Walken?
  • TanookiMan - October 9, 2009 4:42 a.m.

    "Their shared scenes contained as much chemistry as a chemistry set that had had all the chemicals removed" for some reason, I thought this was really really funny
  • GMAN2 - October 9, 2009 1:31 a.m.

    Wow, Charlie's Angels and Bionic Commando were the worst
  • LOUDcarBOMB - October 9, 2009 12:40 a.m.

    What about Fallout 3? Liam Neeson? HE played in many movies, like Batman Begins, Star Wars Ep. I (Qui-Gon-Jin), Chronicles of Narnia ( :P ).
  • Ninja-KiLLR - October 9, 2009 12:13 a.m.

    cool side of the pillow. lol family guy is the greatest
  • trekkie2882 - October 8, 2009 11:57 p.m.

    i love patrick stewart! come on TNG is the greatest show ever made. also charlies angels the game. do you have anything good to say about it? i am going to buy that game at a used store for 5 dollars just to see how bad it is.
  • farsided - October 8, 2009 11:47 p.m.

    wtf is with all the recent halo hate on here? first it was their commercials, and now it's the voice acting in ODST? If you ask me, the voice acting in ODST was FAR superior to the voice acting in the first 3 Halo games. Lazy? Bullshit. There was plenty of emotion in their voices throughout, and when I was playing, I absolutely felt the characters to be believable. Hell, at least they didn't sound like "grizzled space marines". Seriously, what are you asking for? Overacting? If these games wanted that, they would have hired stage performers (movie acting being much more subtle while stage acting is very flamboyant). While I agree with the rest of the article, you guys at GR desperately need to get that giant stick called "bungie" out of your ass before it continues to ruin any more of your article. It's just cheap, unoriginal garbage that I thought was purely reserved for the comment section of N4G. Nathan and Tricia both nailed it.
  • skynetiscoming - October 8, 2009 11:19 p.m.

    I got like 20 seconds into that WET fight scene and turned it off it was so damn boring. And great article.

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