Lose Your Boner Wednesday presents: Hard Candy

Be careful what you feed the monkeys...

As a continuing effort to bombard your libido with ultra-confusing titillation, GamesRadar will scourdeviantart.comfor some of the most bizarre instances of videogame fetishism. This is by no means an artistic critique, nor a condemnation, but rather a further exploration into how our hobbies and sexuality intertwine. Also, boobs!

Look, this column isn’t about passing judgment. Lose Your Boner Wednesday has never been - nor will it ever be! - about making you feel ashamed ofany aspect of your sexuality. Outside of old people and orphan porn, no fetish is too taboo for discussion here. Obviously, when you’re adding tits to ancient game characters, sure, some bestiality is bound to slip in. We take no issue with love found between man and a monkey, (“Get it where you can!” That’s our motto), as seen here, in an otherwise elegant Candy Kong spread drawn by Biggysix and colored by pinksugardaze.


Above: Be careful what you wish for... unless your wish isto be a eunuch [Original Source]

However, we’d be remiss in our journalistic duty if we didn’t take the artists to task for the potential health risks implied by Candy’s depicted act of potassium-rich fellatio. Inserting any body part into the maw of a wild gorilla is a very dangerous proposition, just in terms ofbacteria alone. More importantly, even the most impassioned individual must take into account that primates can very warlike, often times employing incredibly violent methods that rivalMan at his most brutal. Being the intelligent mammals they are, primates have been known to wipe out entire tribes and species when viewed as a threat. And one particularly gruesome measure involves chewing or biting off the genitals of opponents, so as to render them incapable of further reproduction, thus eliminating them from the future gene pool.

Sorry to be a buzzkill, but you should always use caution when sexually approaching simian creatures. Yes, even when they’re wearinglipstick and a bikini. What you might perceive as a night of harmless jungle passion could very well be an act of spermicidal subterfuge!

May 12, 2010


A Pokemon hermaphrodite to make the heart soar!


We give semi-sexy ladies another brief moment in the spotlight


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