“You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll tug yourself dry,” runs the tagline to one of I Want Candy’s faux-fuck flicks. If only the movie itself could make such promises. A collision between The Moguls and Alien Autopsy, it sees two Leatherhead mates – likely-lad producer Joe (Tom Riley) and earnest auteur Baggy (Tom Burke) – blag funding for their student script after agreeing to up the rut count. However, the only thing that gets blown here is credibility as porn queen Candy Fiveways (Carmen Electra) readily signs up for a starring role. For all the movie quotes and yap about ‘genre-splicing’, helmer Stephen Surjik (Wayne’s World 2) seems unfamiliar with the fundamentals of farce. The only joy comes from players like sleaze-peddler Eddie Marsan and Mackenzie Crook’s Catweazle-whiskered teacher. As for Ms Electra, the bit where the lads get her character mixed up with a blow-up doll sadly says it all.