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How to Survive a Zombie Invasion

Guns and Explosives

Once you’ve identified a zombie outbreak, determined its extent, and planned your defense strategy, your first stop should be the nearest gun dealer or sporting goods store. You don’t have a chance without at least one good weapon, so get looting!

Shotguns
The classic zombie killing weapon comes in three main types: automatic, pump action, and breach loading. Ideally you’ll have access to an automatic shotgun, but they’re a bit harder to come by, so you’ll probably find yourself with a pump action or breach loading gun. A pump action shotgun is the kind you generally see in zombie movies - the empty shells are released via pumping a mechanism beneath the barrel. Breach loading shotguns are more prevalent in westerns – they are loaded by separating the barrel from the handle, and are a bit easier to maintain.

When confronted with a large horde, hold the shotgun at your hip and spray upward into the mob while swaying side to side. It might not be super effective, but you’ll look pretty cool doing it. When taking out individual zombies, hold the gun at shoulder level and aim directly for the head (beware of spraying guts and stuff).

Handguns
It’s important to keep a handgun on your hip as a backup weapon and for clearing tight spaces. For the inexperienced, it may be good to keep a revolver on standby as they are easier to maintain. A semi-automatic pistol, however, is more effective against zombies because of the faster reload time. Revolver or semi-automatic, the ideal handgun is capable of exploding heads with a single shot. Here are a few of our suggestions:

• Remington .44 Magnum revolver - If only because you can pretend you’re Dirty Harry, and possibly have the opportunity to say something like, “Yo undead, make my day.”
• Desert Eagle - If you’re feeling brave, go with a .50 Action Express cartridge and you should have no problem blowing heads off. Be aware, however, that the Desert Eagle only holds seven rounds, and when you’re fighting zombies, you’re usually fighting a lot of zombies.
• Glock 17 and other variants –A popular and reliable gun, the Glock 17 is favored by gangsta rappers because of the number of words it rhymes with (“I cocked my Glock and hit the block, snappin’ you like a celery stalk, gonna draw your outline wit’ a piece of chalk, etc.”), and works best when you hold it sideways and yell. The Glock is also the handgun of choice for the FBI, and if anyone knows anything about zombie outbreaks, it’s Mulder and Scully.

Rifles
Hunting and WWII era rifles aren’t too effective at close range, but if you’re a good shot you can pick off stray zombies from a distance, and clear out roads or other open spaces before traversing them. The loud gunshots may betray your location, so when attempting long-range combat make sure you’re in a secure position and have someone watching your back. A sturdy bolt-action rifle is a very reliable weapon to have in your arsenal.

If you can get your hands on a modern assault rifle, by all means, run around with it shooting things (you might want to take out a few squirrels while you’re at it, for dinner). A standard M16 should work fine.

Fragmentation Grenades
If for some reason you actually find some frag grenades, they’ll be pretty useless to you. Low range, a small effective radius, and only a slight chance of decapitation or dismemberment make them an undesirable zombie killing weapon.

Rocket Propelled Grenades and other Rocket Launchers
If you have one, and you see a bunch of zombies, what the hell are you waiting for?

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124 comments

  • lionarthegreat - August 21, 2009 4:40 p.m.

    i would survive i would just drive north and then i would only worry for half a year because of winter u southerners are pretty screwed
  • FrozenImplosion - July 31, 2009 7:22 p.m.

    I loved the practical joke haha, this is the best article I've seen on GR for a while!!!
  • fhern - July 30, 2009 4:13 a.m.

    i want to play this but i cannot? why?
  • ResidentEvilJunkie - July 26, 2009 9:45 p.m.

    This article sounds an awful lot like Max Brooks' "Zombie Survival Guide"
  • lostsouls - July 24, 2009 12:19 p.m.

    another sing of zombies large amounts of military setting up in your town and evacuations are in progress
  • sk8tingninjainda206 - July 24, 2009 2:46 a.m.

    yes thank you for agreeing now i can show people at the gun store for buying so much ammo and weapons lmao what a great article
  • deadslayer97 - July 23, 2009 9:55 p.m.

    yep it is pretty much the zombie survival guide......only worse.the sniper crowbar was pretty funny though!
  • MojoSmelz - July 23, 2009 7:42 p.m.

    yeh i agree with GamerTagsSuck because like in the english television program called dead set the 'zombies' do eventually break into the big brother set so unless you have a gun then your basically screw to say the least.
  • Thegamingkid - July 22, 2009 5:54 p.m.

    actully, what the best thing to do in a zombie outbreak is to go to the nearest gun shop, and shoot yourself. BAM, don't gotta worry, cause every one is Dead, And/Or Undead
  • Unoriginal - July 22, 2009 4:05 p.m.

    I now owe Mr. Wilde my life prematurely. Outstanding article, and now Im late for work, I just had to finish first. Why am I commenting, gotta go!
  • SteelStreet - July 22, 2009 12:43 a.m.

    You got alot of this stuff from xbox official magizine zombie edition. But hey it is still funny.
  • Synster - July 21, 2009 10:11 p.m.

    Ha. "MOST Zombies can't run". Anyways. By chance, was this article inspired by The Zombie Survival Guide? That book is pure Genius.
  • JustAPlayer - July 21, 2009 1:45 p.m.

    Well, just like everyone (at least the good shooters) i would go to the top of a Gun's Shop, i would pick up Sniper, and shoot all incoming body, as long as i have food i'll be ok
  • curly_jefferson - July 21, 2009 12:19 p.m.

    So many funnies.
  • whitesall - July 21, 2009 5:23 a.m.

    bring on the zombies im ready to beat there ass... ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! just kidding thanks for the addvice im more then ready to kick zombie ass!!!!!!
  • captfuzzo - July 20, 2009 8:48 p.m.

    even though in evil dead those arn't zombies there deadadites i consider them zombies
  • UnrealCanine - July 20, 2009 6:23 p.m.

    Shaun spits away in Shaun of the Dead and survives
  • thelonewolf501 - July 20, 2009 6:19 p.m.

    i live near a natiol(dont know the word) guard armory so incase of zombie invasion (or any other disater) i know where to go ill be safe for months.
  • SolidSnyder94 - July 20, 2009 3:09 p.m.

    This is so lame. A word-for-word copy of a special zombie-edition magazine I bought...how long ago? At least 6 months. I hope that the publishers know you guys are doing this.
  • cookie23q - July 20, 2009 1:54 p.m.

    owsome article wylde man kkep up the gold

Showing 1-20 of 124 comments

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