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124 comments

  • Hurricrane - July 17, 2009 10:54 p.m.

    lol a sign that there is a zombie outbreak: There are a bunch of zombies around or you are a zombie. simple but still funny
  • Makk_Mizzy - July 26, 2009 10:44 a.m.

    I MYSELF WOULD LOVE FOR A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE TO TAKE PLACE BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH TALENT AND FURY DEEP WITHIN MY INNER-BEING AND I HAVE YET TO SEE A HUMAN ON THIS EARTH THAT CAN WEILD 2 KUIMIOCHI BLADES LIKE ME WITH GUN HOLSTERS ON MY SUIT AT MY DISPOSAL! YOU THOUGHT DEADPOOL WAS A MARVEL COMIC, WELL I GOT NEWS FOR YOU! I AM HIS PROTEGE AND I HAVE THE STRENGTH AND TEMPER OF WOLVERINE MY GO TO GUY! NO SPARTAN COULD STAND A FIGHTING CHANCE IN COMBAT WITH ME! NO MILITARY SOLDIER COULD INFILTRATE AND CLEAR OUT A WHOLE FORTRESS LIKE I CAN! NO ZOMBIE CAN GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO SINK HIS TEETH INTO MY SKIN AND INFECT ME, ALL I NEED IS MY IPOD WITH MC HAMMER'S SONG ''CAN'T TOUCH THIS'' PLAYING AND BEFORE THE WORLD KNOWS IT I WILL HAVE DEALT MY SHARE OF ZOMBIE GENOCIDE! IM READY...... MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!!!!!
  • uz_mike222 - July 26, 2009 1:38 a.m.

    I've read the Zombie Survival Guide and that has better tips than anything a game can come up with. Well except for info on the Dawn of the Dead and 28 Days/ Weeks movies. Though i thought it was funny, if you want to go around into the street with an M16 shooting at the undead with ill effect on them dying, good luck trying to stay alive. As for nukes, though the initial blast of those zombies in the actual surrounding of the blast, those that get hit with just shock wave wont die. Good luck with just spraying and praying also, you wont get far. If the zombie hordes comes, either Rage, New Age, or the normal shambling zombies comes, cyall suckers, im heading to the Rockies and becoming a mountain man!! CYA BITCHES!! p.s. read The Complete Zombie Survival Guide, its the real thing
  • REBELYELL89 - July 25, 2009 10:51 a.m.

    You've forgot a important weapon to make is a flame thrower xD nothing beat's a toasty zombie. As for door's RE5 zombie's use door's o.O they like breaking threw window's xD
  • FlamelordZ - July 24, 2009 9:11 a.m.

    probably no one has thought of this (i coudnt be bothered to read all comments) but in resident evil the zombies get made smart by sum idiot. if that happened wed all be doomed. the rest of the world wud jst nuke us be4 it got to dem or summat
  • corey171 - July 24, 2009 12:26 a.m.

    U ALL R STUPID THER MIGHT BE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE ONE DAY BUT THAT IS UNLIKLY AND IF BY ANY MEANS THER WAS 1 I WOUlD STALK UP ON FOOD AT THE FIRST SIGNS OF AN OUTBREAK GO 2 THE SECOND FLOOR OF MY HOUSE AND DESTROY ALL STAIRS LEADING UP AND LIVE THER TILL I DIE EVENTUALLY OR I GET SAVED(OR BECOME A ZOMBIE) AND THE VIRUS WOULD ALREADY BE AIRBOURN!!!!! =(
  • Oxfordcomma4 - July 23, 2009 2:18 a.m.

    Feeeeeeeeeeel the zombie!!! "cocks .44 magnum"
  • LOUDcarBOMB - July 22, 2009 2:32 a.m.

    There's only one person who doesn't need this...CHUCK NORRIS!!!
  • mentalityljs - July 21, 2009 11:34 p.m.

    Tip: Tape an LED keychain light to your friends back as a practical joke! lmao. GOD I can't wait for a zombie outbreak! It would be my favorite apocalyptic scenario to live and experience!!! recaptcha: remember narodni?
  • Turkeykilla7 - July 21, 2009 7:22 p.m.

    Here's a thought. Could you eat Zombie meat? Think about it, maybe if you cooked it well enouph it would kill the virus.Like killing tape worms that live in beaf. Its still cannibalism but hey its your life we're talking about. Just think its a non stop food supply.
  • Turkeykilla7 - July 21, 2009 11:14 a.m.

    Dont have to much confidence in Police, national guard, ect stations people. If zombies actually did happen (it will) they would probably kill you quicker than the zombies when they saw you coming. Just think letting people in meens more mouths to feed, they'll be saving their supplies for themselves. Not everyone is a saint.
  • ratchetclank48 - July 21, 2009 4:30 a.m.

    dont forget to wear a helmet
  • STR33TFiR3 - July 21, 2009 2:07 a.m.

    Absolutely hillarious article! Now who is banging on my door? :P
  • gatornation1254 - July 20, 2009 9:47 p.m.

    Oh my God if I was in a zombie apocalypse I would definitely use a plastic lightsaber to fight the hordes of zombies.
  • captfuzzo - July 20, 2009 8:45 p.m.

    u forgot an importent zombie fighting gun from evil dead the Boom stick (sawed off double barrell automatic shotgun) oh well 2 things in here about evil dead is good enough but when i saw the word necronomicon i was hoping that there'd be a boom stick but chainsaw is still good
  • eagle13511 - July 20, 2009 8:30 p.m.

    I just finished reading this and Tyler I think you would be dead if you followed most of this.
  • Gamer231 - July 20, 2009 4:19 p.m.

    I've been playing Dead Rising, so I'd like to add a few tips: -Kill the annoying photographer you meet in the coffee shop ASAP. -Books are handy-when combined with the chainsaw, you can eliminate 2,700+ zombies with ease. -Don't vandalize the grocery store. EVER. -Make sure the janitor only calls when you're not trying to fight off a couple dozen zombies. -Learn to defend yourself when speaking on the transmitter. -Most of the survivors you find have the collective IQ of a rock. -Look for various Resident Evil and Mega Man references around the mall. It won't defeat the zombies, but it will relieve some of the stress. -Kill the dog-obsessed old lady.
  • TractorBoy21 - July 20, 2009 11:54 a.m.

    This is awesome! I am so happy that I am in the police and am fully trained with several weapons! Where is the mention of kitchen knives, golf clubs and handyman tools???
  • Turkeykilla7 - July 20, 2009 11:30 a.m.

    @Jackfitz11 Im glad you brought up how shotguns arnt really that good of a weapon for zombies. Most people dont realize because of the way movies and video games portray them. Like how on average the most shells your going to be able to hold is 8+1(not good for a horde of undead)and you have to reload one shell at a time. Also you need to go with a bigger shot or you wont kill anything, and bigger shot meens more kick and sore shoulders. Birdshots just going to piss them off, just ask Dick Cheney. Although if your in a group a shotgun could be worth while for your less accurate members. Just tell them to stand off to the side and shoot when stuff gets close. In my Non-profesional oppinion id say stick to assualt rifles. AK-47 Vector Arms) preferably, its very durable. Not as accurate as an AR-15 or M4 but wont get jamed every 200 rounds without cleaning eihter. Glock 21 for sidearm 13+1 and it can still shoot with any kind of crap (water, dirt ,mud, ect) in it after a little shake. Be warned people the zombies are coming. Save your pennies and buy guns and ammo. Bullets will be worth more then dollars in the last days.
  • Shotgun_Ninja - July 20, 2009 8:17 a.m.

    If anyone thought this was funny, you should read Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide, which I'm sure was the direct inspiration of this article.

Showing 61-80 of 124 comments

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