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124 comments

  • Warbob1 - July 20, 2009 2:42 a.m.

    You could always use the Atari E.T. game which all of them are located in some landfill somewhere so if you live near it. Your pretty much loaded in flammable material to launch at zombies only if you where smart enough to make sure your living on a fire proof building. Or you could just go crazy due to the unyielding sight of the mounds of wasted crap your chucking at the zombies.
  • CoD4Kamikazi - July 20, 2009 3:21 a.m.

    This does seem like Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide...... but stupid.
  • Apollomasque - July 20, 2009 3:48 a.m.

    I own the Zombie survival guide too and this article doesn't rip it off, but I do remember reading practically this EXACT same article in an issue of X-box magazine. Hell, maybe he wrote it too. I'll have to check. Makes sense since some GR staff work in gaming magazines.
  • jackfitz11 - July 20, 2009 4:20 a.m.

    I was humored by this article but it contains a few errors, like for example, dont use a car, if you need to travel a long distance a motorcycle at best, otherwise, use a bicycle, they have no noise from a motor. And shotguns have good stopping power, but are actually bad for killing zombies. Although things like chainsaws being deathtraps and that grenades are useless are helpful facts.
  • Shotgun_Ninja - July 20, 2009 8:17 a.m.

    If anyone thought this was funny, you should read Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide, which I'm sure was the direct inspiration of this article.
  • Turkeykilla7 - July 20, 2009 11:30 a.m.

    @Jackfitz11 Im glad you brought up how shotguns arnt really that good of a weapon for zombies. Most people dont realize because of the way movies and video games portray them. Like how on average the most shells your going to be able to hold is 8+1(not good for a horde of undead)and you have to reload one shell at a time. Also you need to go with a bigger shot or you wont kill anything, and bigger shot meens more kick and sore shoulders. Birdshots just going to piss them off, just ask Dick Cheney. Although if your in a group a shotgun could be worth while for your less accurate members. Just tell them to stand off to the side and shoot when stuff gets close. In my Non-profesional oppinion id say stick to assualt rifles. AK-47 Vector Arms) preferably, its very durable. Not as accurate as an AR-15 or M4 but wont get jamed every 200 rounds without cleaning eihter. Glock 21 for sidearm 13+1 and it can still shoot with any kind of crap (water, dirt ,mud, ect) in it after a little shake. Be warned people the zombies are coming. Save your pennies and buy guns and ammo. Bullets will be worth more then dollars in the last days.
  • TractorBoy21 - July 20, 2009 11:54 a.m.

    This is awesome! I am so happy that I am in the police and am fully trained with several weapons! Where is the mention of kitchen knives, golf clubs and handyman tools???
  • Gamer231 - July 20, 2009 4:19 p.m.

    I've been playing Dead Rising, so I'd like to add a few tips: -Kill the annoying photographer you meet in the coffee shop ASAP. -Books are handy-when combined with the chainsaw, you can eliminate 2,700+ zombies with ease. -Don't vandalize the grocery store. EVER. -Make sure the janitor only calls when you're not trying to fight off a couple dozen zombies. -Learn to defend yourself when speaking on the transmitter. -Most of the survivors you find have the collective IQ of a rock. -Look for various Resident Evil and Mega Man references around the mall. It won't defeat the zombies, but it will relieve some of the stress. -Kill the dog-obsessed old lady.
  • eagle13511 - July 20, 2009 8:30 p.m.

    I just finished reading this and Tyler I think you would be dead if you followed most of this.
  • captfuzzo - July 20, 2009 8:45 p.m.

    u forgot an importent zombie fighting gun from evil dead the Boom stick (sawed off double barrell automatic shotgun) oh well 2 things in here about evil dead is good enough but when i saw the word necronomicon i was hoping that there'd be a boom stick but chainsaw is still good
  • gatornation1254 - July 20, 2009 9:47 p.m.

    Oh my God if I was in a zombie apocalypse I would definitely use a plastic lightsaber to fight the hordes of zombies.
  • STR33TFiR3 - July 21, 2009 2:07 a.m.

    Absolutely hillarious article! Now who is banging on my door? :P
  • ratchetclank48 - July 21, 2009 4:30 a.m.

    dont forget to wear a helmet
  • Turkeykilla7 - July 21, 2009 11:14 a.m.

    Dont have to much confidence in Police, national guard, ect stations people. If zombies actually did happen (it will) they would probably kill you quicker than the zombies when they saw you coming. Just think letting people in meens more mouths to feed, they'll be saving their supplies for themselves. Not everyone is a saint.
  • Turkeykilla7 - July 21, 2009 7:22 p.m.

    Here's a thought. Could you eat Zombie meat? Think about it, maybe if you cooked it well enouph it would kill the virus.Like killing tape worms that live in beaf. Its still cannibalism but hey its your life we're talking about. Just think its a non stop food supply.
  • mentalityljs - July 21, 2009 11:34 p.m.

    Tip: Tape an LED keychain light to your friends back as a practical joke! lmao. GOD I can't wait for a zombie outbreak! It would be my favorite apocalyptic scenario to live and experience!!! recaptcha: remember narodni?
  • LOUDcarBOMB - July 22, 2009 2:32 a.m.

    There's only one person who doesn't need this...CHUCK NORRIS!!!
  • Oxfordcomma4 - July 23, 2009 2:18 a.m.

    Feeeeeeeeeeel the zombie!!! "cocks .44 magnum"
  • corey171 - July 24, 2009 12:26 a.m.

    U ALL R STUPID THER MIGHT BE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE ONE DAY BUT THAT IS UNLIKLY AND IF BY ANY MEANS THER WAS 1 I WOUlD STALK UP ON FOOD AT THE FIRST SIGNS OF AN OUTBREAK GO 2 THE SECOND FLOOR OF MY HOUSE AND DESTROY ALL STAIRS LEADING UP AND LIVE THER TILL I DIE EVENTUALLY OR I GET SAVED(OR BECOME A ZOMBIE) AND THE VIRUS WOULD ALREADY BE AIRBOURN!!!!! =(
  • FlamelordZ - July 24, 2009 9:11 a.m.

    probably no one has thought of this (i coudnt be bothered to read all comments) but in resident evil the zombies get made smart by sum idiot. if that happened wed all be doomed. the rest of the world wud jst nuke us be4 it got to dem or summat

Showing 41-60 of 124 comments

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