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How to spot a secretly evil game character

They're an old person...

Stabbing you in the back in: Jak II (Kor), Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops (Major Zero), Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II (Kreia)

With age comes experience. And the compulsion to turn into an arthritic a-hole. Seriously, don’t trust anyone over the age of 45. That’s when the evil gene kicks in… well, in video games anyway. Resenting their advanced gaming years, most just can’t resist the urge to bury a blade in the playable character. It’s a shame really. These insidious OAPs could have been anything. Authoritative narrators. Crotchety comedic support. GILFs. Ah well, their bad egg ways just gives us another excuse to ship dear old grandpa off to the retirement castle.


Above: Just look what Kreia could have done with her twilight years


They're your mentor...

Stabbing you in the back in: Grand Theft Auto III (Salvatore Leone), Ratchet and Clank: A Crack in Time (General Azimuth), Viewtiful Joe (Captain Blue)

What’s that you say, oh trusted and respected hero figure of ours? You want us to help you on your absolutely, positively not evil quest? Well, sure, why not? Wait, why are we suddenly lying in a pool of our own blood? Shiiiittttt. That’s right, never trust any NPC the playable character looks up to. Such a failure in judgement will only result in confusion, hurt and big blubbering tears of betrayal. Damn, it’s all coming back. Why Azimuth? WHY?!


They're king of the gods...

Stabbing you in the back in: God of War II (Zeus)

Admittedly, this is pretty damn specific. But any character that sports a biblically epic beard and sandals combo (oh, and just happens to be ruler of all creation) is definitely a bit sketchy.

 

Feb 22, 2010 


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47 comments

  • moribundman - March 9, 2010 12:48 p.m.

    Hmm. Spot on, except your British accents one is so utterly wrong on every single level... Pretty sketchy way to start the article. Harry is Australian, Atlas is as Irish as Irish can get (not Nar'n Ar'sh at all) and Alec Trevelyan doesn't even speak in the game, so what you're doing there is confusing it with the movie... All in all not one of those characters is even close to being an example of a British bad guy, and it's not like you're short on choice. As a matter of interest how many villains (hidden or not) have US accents, and doesn't James Bond also have a British accent?
  • noobeater - February 25, 2010 9:17 p.m.

    British are always villains, the best example is hannibal, also i can't help but think the british GR have finally toppled the GR USA stranglehold, which is quality.
  • Cyndur - February 25, 2010 3:10 a.m.

    shouldnt Bioshock also be in the "They're a 'helpful' voice in your ear..." category?
  • jackthemenace - February 24, 2010 7:33 p.m.

    lovin the "they're the king of all gods" bit :D
  • FreekinIdiot - February 24, 2010 11:56 a.m.

    @bayssa Twat, a slang term for - Gammon goal posts Beef Curtains Piss Flaps Hairy Axe Wound Clunge C**t Butchers Bin Hanging Gardens Bearded Clam Flange Gash VAGINA!
  • bayssa - February 24, 2010 5:36 a.m.

    what does TWAT means?
  • nik41507 - February 24, 2010 2:06 a.m.

    WAIT Yoda is like 900 and Obi Wan and him were the mentors of Luke
  • EnragedTortoise1 - February 24, 2010 1:03 a.m.

    Didn't see Flynn coming, but I know never to trust British people now. However I saw Azimuith's betrayal coming from a mile away. Oh, what, he turned on me? Finally... reCAPTCHA: sushi enthusiast Oddly specific...
  • Cyberninja - February 24, 2010 12:26 a.m.

    @xboxrulez at my school A i already sit at a lunch table full of girls and B to many people play cod on xbox 24/7 so i would be hated and is one of my reasons for getting a ps3.
  • NadaNuff - February 23, 2010 10:04 p.m.

    I shouldn't have read this article, too many spoilers. Question: I played InFamous all the way through, and I STILL don't remember Zeke backstabbin' me. Memory refresher? That game was kinda forgettable.
  • philipshaw - February 23, 2010 1:52 p.m.

    Atlas has a Dublin accent so not British and shouldn't be included in this article. Apart from that it was a great article and all the entries are spot on
  • gilgamesh310 - February 23, 2010 1:45 p.m.

    Atlas should have been included as a helpfull voice in ur ear, he has an accent from the republic of Ireland.
  • speno93 - February 23, 2010 7:02 a.m.

    remind me never to talk to any videogame characters as i have a british accent and im afraid they'll shoot me on sight!
  • reaperman22 - February 23, 2010 6:15 a.m.

    well you can almost sum this up and say pretty much everyone in the gta universe
  • phgreat1 - February 23, 2010 5:50 a.m.

    Master Miller wasn't evil. It was Liquid! Neither was Major Zero. He was just trying to follow The Boss' will. Though he misinterpreted it. It was the Patriot's AI that was evil.
  • Vitoruss1 - February 23, 2010 4:52 a.m.

    How does Atlas qualify for the 'accent' and NOT for the 'voice in your ear'?? That's like... that's a real fail. And you spelled "Ryder" wrong.
  • Cwf2008 - February 23, 2010 3:41 a.m.

    One more thing: @xboxrulez: SHUT THE FUCK UP reCAPTCHA: for gouraud. Ya for gouraud shut the fuck up
  • Cwf2008 - February 23, 2010 3:40 a.m.

    @feeheelee: Actually Great Britian only emcompasses i believe Scottland and Wales and England, whereas the UK encompasses GB and Northern Ireland. YOu need to buy a map "smart one"
  • brickman409 - February 23, 2010 1:21 a.m.

    what about the old guy from modern warfare 2?
  • darklink123 - February 23, 2010 1:13 a.m.

    -=SPOILERS ALERT=- I can't believe you forgot GLaDOS under helpful voices in your ear that betray you.

Showing 1-20 of 47 comments

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