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Homie Rollerz review

It Boots Up

Ahh, we had such high hopes for Homie Rollerz, the latest toyline to birth a thoughtless kart racer. Kidding, but damn! This is one massive pile of section-eight shit. Failure to innovate - that we expected. Every track item in this hood is blatantly ripped off from the original Mario Kart, and we’re talking the SNES one. But let’s move past that for a second... Homie Rollerz is effing broken.

At first we thought we may’ve been playing it wrong. We logged hours and only won a single race. Since there’s a garage for tune-ups, maybe we started out with subpar driving skill, a la San Andreas. So, we focused on earning “Respect” points to put towards our car by pulling of “tricks.”

Don’t get too excited; you can’t simultaneously go for first place and pull off any tricks. Nearly every trick ramp rockets you drastically off course on every horrendously designed track, and the ones that don’t slow you down by tossing you in the rough.

After an excruciatingly long time, we go to the ridiculously priced Garage (altering your vehicle’s color costs more than the tires) but nothing helped. If you’re counting, that’s three strikes against Homie Rollerz. (And we’re being nice enough not to include “derivative” and “soulless.”) Leaning tips your ugly little Mexi-mobile to right yourself in the air or steer, but that and “super-hopping” with the shoulder buttons is just as self-defeating. Also, the brief “story” screen is insipidly mandatory every time you start from the menu, and possibly offensive.

We ended up driving on the damned ceiling! This game’s that busted! You’ll drive up and on walls unintentionally, through random objects, get stuck in environments and sometimes just spin out of control for no reason whatsoever. Did we mention weapons don’t appear to work all the time? Homie Rollerz has nothing, zero, going for it.

Simply reviewing the thing seemed like a practical joke. Fascinated by the glow of this hot burning failure, plenty of time was lost chuckling at its expense, as if it were directed by Ed Wood. But we didn’t pay for it. If Homie Rollerz were an entree, you’d spit it out, send it back, smack the cook and firebomb the entire damn restaurant.

Other reviewers have called Homie Rollerz “hard.” They’re wrong. It’s either: awful, unfinished, broken and completely unworthy of your time and attention. It just isn’t scientifically possible to love those racist little gumball figures enough to enjoy any part of this game. 

Mar 11, 2008

More Info

Release date: Mar 05 2008 - DS (US)
Available Platforms: DS
Genre: Racing
Published by: Destineer
Developed by: Webfoot Technologies
ESRB Rating:
Everyone: Mild Cartoon Violence, Mild Suggestive Themes

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14 comments

  • BladedFalcon - May 28, 2014 3:48 p.m.

    BLOCK KARTY WINNER!
  • LoganDeckard - July 25, 2011 12:26 a.m.

    Looked up this game after listening to the podcast. Good to know Chris has always been a hilarious motherfucker who isn't afraid to stab a game in the soul, eat it, shit it, continuely cut the shit with plastic cutlery (metal is too good), and then throw the shit covered knives into a pool of battery acid.
  • RamenChimera - July 16, 2011 1:34 p.m.

    I had to look up this review, just because I heard you guys talking about this on the podcast. More than 2 years after this was written. So, first comment in years, WOOT! recaptcha: ionSTD sheets. Wtf.
  • CH3BURASHKA - August 1, 2010 7:54 a.m.

    "Wheelchair Accessible" - genius. A few examples of the racism would have been nice, but excellent "review" nonetheless.
  • vitoruss - November 23, 2009 8:46 p.m.

    I laughed out loud to "You'll love: Laughing at Unsold Copies of Homie Rollerz"
  • Metroidhunter32 - November 22, 2009 4:42 p.m.

    Why do devs release games like this?
  • Tymiegie - March 8, 2009 4:32 p.m.

    Yeah Chris you tell that shitty game how shitty it is! It is games like this that make me never play my DS ever.
  • FalconMbuster - December 16, 2008 7:07 p.m.

    I don't think the word "score" is even applicable.
  • Cwf2008 - December 16, 2008 3:21 a.m.

    4th....wow its really that bad i'd want to commit a terrorist act against a poor defenceless restaurant? Well i hear that there's a special place in hell for crap games like this...but come on Gamesradar a 1? You couldnt go any lower like a 0? Or -10? Or so crappy they give this game to dying people so that when they are told they are dying they are so pissed at the game they dont register it?
  • Pocotron - December 15, 2008 9:01 p.m.

    As in the immortal words of Charles Barkley... "That was trrible, trrible, trrible." P.S. oh and first (Unfortunately)
  • Pocotron - December 15, 2008 9 p.m.

    As in the immortal words of Charles Barkley... "That was trrible, trrible, trrible." P.S. oh and first (Unfortunately)
  • BodyDamage - April 16, 2009 7:11 p.m.

    i have read this review like 7 times in the past 6 months or so. it's so great.
  • legodude666 - March 24, 2009 3:01 a.m.

    is it weird if i want to commit domestic violence after reading this, because this just makes me angry
  • Pocotron - December 15, 2008 9:01 p.m.

    sorry for double posting third

Showing 1-14 of 14 comments

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