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Ahh, we had such high hopes for Homie Rollerz, the latest toyline to birth a thoughtless kart racer. Kidding, but damn! This is one massive pile of section-eight shit. Failure to innovate - that we expected. Every track item in this hood is blatantly ripped off from the original Mario Kart, and we’re talking the SNES one. But let’s move past that for a second... Homie Rollerz is effing broken.
At first we thought we may’ve been playing it wrong. We logged hours and only won a single race. Since there’s a garage for tune-ups, maybe we started out with subpar driving skill, a la San Andreas. So, we focused on earning “Respect” points to put towards our car by pulling of “tricks.”
Don’t get too excited; you can’t simultaneously go for first place and pull off any tricks. Nearly every trick ramp rockets you drastically off course on every horrendously designed track, and the ones that don’t slow you down by tossing you in the rough.
After an excruciatingly long time, we go to the ridiculously priced Garage (altering your vehicle’s color costs more than the tires) but nothing helped. If you’re counting, that’s three strikes against Homie Rollerz. (And we’re being nice enough not to include “derivative” and “soulless.”) Leaning tips your ugly little Mexi-mobile to right yourself in the air or steer, but that and “super-hopping” with the shoulder buttons is just as self-defeating. Also, the brief “story” screen is insipidly mandatory every time you start from the menu, and possibly offensive.
We ended up driving on the damned ceiling! This game’s that busted! You’ll drive up and on walls unintentionally, through random objects, get stuck in environments and sometimes just spin out of control for no reason whatsoever. Did we mention weapons don’t appear to work all the time? Homie Rollerz has nothing, zero, going for it.
Simply reviewing the thing seemed like a practical joke. Fascinated by the glow of this hot burning failure, plenty of time was lost chuckling at its expense, as if it were directed by Ed Wood. But we didn’t pay for it. If Homie Rollerz were an entree, you’d spit it out, send it back, smack the cook and firebomb the entire damn restaurant.
Other reviewers have called Homie Rollerz “hard.” They’re wrong. It’s either: awful, unfinished, broken and completely unworthy of your time and attention. It just isn’t scientifically possible to love those racist little gumball figures enough to enjoy any part of this game.
Mar 11, 2008
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