Guys vs Games: Which is better?

Nowadays, your kills, stats, and achievements are all saved somewhere in the midst of the Orwellian internet, for immediate out-geeking capabilities. And saving progress is crucial for those 40-hour jaunts through fairy-infested forestry.

Grade: Verges on creepy the way games remember personal data. You see those stats in GTAIV? Dammmmmmn.

Guys have very selective memory; you can tell a dude you need some ubercharging (read: sexual intercourse) and he’ll remember ‘til the cows come home. Tell your boyfriend your birthday’s in a week, and he’ll only “remember” it once he sees it on Facebook - if you’re lucky.

Apparently, there’s a reciprocal relationship existing between forgetfulness and creepiness for guys, which is also really unfortunate for women. Either they don’t give a shit and remember nothing or they somehow recall every minute detail you’ve ever uttered. Now you got a stalker on your hands. Good luck trying not to shiver every time you make eye contact.

Grade: You probably forgot everything that I just wrote…

Games can be generous with DLC like additional weapons, levels, updates, and achievements. Every game differs in its degree of generosity, with developers quickly realizing that core gameplay additions should be a given in return for a gamer’s continued support, lest they throw gamers in a rage. Case in point: Battlefield: Bad Company, where gamers were initially forced to pay more money to unlock the game’s best weapons until a huge uproar occurred. Like the Batman said, people deserve to be reward for their faith.

Above: Thanks for the free weapons, jerks!

Grade: You need to buy the game to receive the benefits of its generosity

Guys will act like a modern day Romeo in the beginning of a relationship, but anything thereafter is always only the bare minimum to keep things going. This only happens when they’ve already earned the right to have full access to our goody bits.


: A guy will be generous until he gets to the prize at the bottom of the cereal box


With games winning 3, guys winning, 1, and a tie in 1 of the categories, it’s pretty clear that girls would prefer to spend their time on something worthwhile like games rather than on a man, which could easily be replaced by cake and a Christian Bale cutout (Ed. We’ll drink to that).

Sep 16, 2008

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  • baconHalo - March 9, 2011 9:50 p.m.

    My list is totally different. it's girls, then girly parts, then girls draped in bacon, then videogames, then bacon. Not really into cars.
  • randilon - December 2, 2010 12:52 a.m.

    Well my girlfriend is not a gamer so I WON!
  • Buland - September 21, 2010 2:56 p.m.

    Who's ready for a Guy Gamers vs Gal Gamers article? :p
  • katwood92 - October 4, 2008 7:30 p.m.

    Lighten up! Both articles are just jokes, not serious opinions of the opposite gender. They're using those dumb sterotypes to point out how ridiculous they are. It's called satire. I mean seriously, how many people even think that way. Answer: three, and they're all bitter and anti-social.
  • foolonfire - September 20, 2008 1:40 p.m.

    How about guys vs. girls, from a game's point of view?
  • Gahmah - September 19, 2008 11:31 a.m.

    Well the demographic for the site is now even CLEARER (oh if only there were italics). decent article though.
  • Lerious - September 18, 2008 1:39 p.m.

    zeden, Most you be such a flamer, you could possibly got your point across without being rude. P.S. Most of my friends aren't afraid of Commitment so if your looking i can help everyone out. (I'm not talking about myself)
  • zeden - September 18, 2008 10:46 a.m.

    Reading both this and the Girls vs Games article was a bad idea and an insult to not only every man, but every woman gamer I know. Both writers seem to be hung up on childish notions of gender roles. "Boys are lazy, sex obsessed and stupid", "Girls are superficial, unlike games most women are exactly the same, and they like to spend time in the company of their boyfriends!", "We're both bitter because we've had crap relationships with poorly chosen parteners, our expectations of the opposite sex really highlights this" He's a suggestion for Jessica V, rather than lower yourself by spouting similarly sexist rubbish as a way of striking back against a man with the sexual maturity of a pig tail pulling seven year old, why not write about the misconceptions, the contradicitons of his article. Or maybe, just maybe, ignore it as the idiocy it is, safe in the knowledge that there are actually a large majority of men and women that don't fit these lazy cliche's. I hope for the sake of the site that these backwards thinking, stereotype re-enforcing morons aren't actually being paid for writing such rubbish. And yeah, it's meant to be a joke, but if I want this kind of humor I'll watch some sitcoms from the 1970's when this kind of stereotyping was fresh.
  • SpecialtyDrone - September 17, 2008 1:58 p.m.

    Pwned. I'm surprised by all the emotionally stunted comments. Lighten up, kids.
  • JosephCh - September 17, 2008 11:37 a.m.

    Well that felt ... demeaning :P. The bacon part was a punch to the berries too. Great article though. Guess we guys sorta had it coming ;). Also, lol @ Ravenbom comment!
  • Z-man427 - September 17, 2008 8:03 a.m.

    too bad there are more guy gamers than girl gamers. what would video games be like without college age guys? Guitar Hero wouldn't sell and neither would halo
  • Wave360 - September 17, 2008 12:44 a.m.

    I havent clicked on page 2 but there better not be a pic of a guy wearing nothing and has a SNES covering his dick
  • Tochy - September 17, 2008 12:16 a.m.

    bacon=EPIC FAIL
  • Amnesiac - September 16, 2008 11:46 p.m.

    Games vs. Bacon? Hint: bacon wins. It's nature's candy.
  • iluvmyDS - September 16, 2008 11:18 p.m.

    Oh jesus, this is a bad joke.
  • adatron771 - September 16, 2008 11:15 p.m.

    can they do games vs. bacon next?
  • Jimmyjammy - September 16, 2008 11:11 p.m.

    Epic meh.
  • TheSuburbiaRuins - September 16, 2008 10:48 p.m.

    I lol'd at the shallowness of this.
  • bull06 - September 30, 2008 5:03 a.m.

    mmmm bacon grrl
  • solidslayerr - September 19, 2008 4:08 a.m.

    This sounds just like some very bitter article written by someone that got offended by the girls vs videogames article...

Showing 1-20 of 34 comments

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